An Explanation
Sometimes it's hard to find words to put in this place. It's the hardest when life is halted because a nightmare has become reality. I want to write so that I can work out my thoughts, and yet I can't write because waiting and listening and thinking are my first instinct. I'm the last person to speak up in nearly every situation because I want to gather all of the information, consider all of the facts, and really evaluate my thoughts before I say them out loud.
I'm still thinking about Friday, as I'm sure almost everyone is. There is no way I could walk around with a bubbly, full-of-life six-year old and not think about the what ifs.
Every moment of every day ... what if? Why? How could he? What if?
It can be so very crippling to focus on the nightmares.
I didn't grow up a Mister Rogers fan (Contain your shock, please. I grew up in rural North Dakota without cable and very barely ever watched any TV because of it.). I had never heard his quote about finding "the helpers" until this weekend. But, without having the words to describe what it is that I do, that's it. That. I do that.
When nightmares surround me, I look for something good to focus on.
It's why I started tweeting about Christmas Crazy in the midst of Friday's horror unfolding. I needed to. For me. I needed to focus on all of the amazing people who did a very good thing for kids they have never met. I needed to find some good and I needed to swim in it for a few hours.
So while I try to sort out the nightmares and process it all, I'm going to spend as much time as I can finding good. You'll be seeing it reflected in posts here for the next few days, I'm sure.
I guess I'm saying that things will continue on around these parts, but it's not because my mind has moved on. It's because my mind needs some rays of light as it works through the darkness.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Reader Comments (8)
I understand. Completely.
xo
Do what you gotta through to keep swimming through this. It's hard. Too hard. Too real, and too horrific.
That last sentence says it all.
Please shine that light of yours far and wide.
More folks should think before throwing their 2 cents out to the world.
I was, like many, overcome with sorrow and rage. I cried a lot when I read different things. But I didn't say anything publicly. Partially because I really needed to digest it all. Partially because I had nothing helpful to add to the situation. And partially because I felt like I didn't have a good handle on what information was correct and what wasn't.
2 days later, I find myself angry at some of what I see posted around the web. But again, I'm biting my tongue. This time because I know people are operating from a place of fear not logic.
I will send both of my babies to school tomorrow. I will likely hug them a little harder and a little longer when they return home safe to me.
You do the right thing. This is the type of light that is needed in times of darkness like this.
I am the same way. I haven't not thought about Friday's event but I am fighting to keep it from swallowing me.
I feel the exact same way. I just want to know all the facts before I start rambling on about it. I'm saddened, frightened, overwhelmed, but I need to focus on what is going on in my crazy little world too and keep things in perspective. Christmas is a week away and I need to keep doing what I can to provide normalcy for my family, my beloved children. I will not let this consume me.
I agree. After the horror of Friday, I need to see something happy and full of joy and love. Perhaps you saw the "26 moments that restored our faith in humanity this year" that made its way around FB this weekend? Same thing. I'm contrasting my deep-seated desire to know all the facts with an even greater need to protect my tiny humans from knowing all the details of what happened. It's bad enough they have to know that something like this is even possible. :(