An Explanation.
I realized today that I never answered a question that has been asked more than a few times . . . why did I select domestic violence agencies to benefit from Christmas Crazy? Well, here you go.
****************************************************************
Data. It's just a bunch of numbers and letters and disconnected chaos. Data is cold. Data is unfeeling. Data lacks compassion. But, sometimes, there's a story in data. Sometimes data describes a nightmare.
****************************************************************
In a previous life, I loved data. I loved making it fit into computer systems. I loved figuring out how to make it act like my puppet, completing reports and finishing tasks at my bidding.
During that Data Lover stage, I worked for a company that sold the software sometimes used by domestic violence and sexual assault agencies to do their reporting. It was my job to figure out how to make data and that system sing together in harmony.
More specifically, domestic violence agencies are required to report demographic information about the people that they help and service information about how they help them. I helped them create those reports.
****************************************************************
Client type.
The best agencies to work with were the ones that only had one or two client types. There is nothing pleasant about domestic violence, but somehow it's less horrible when you're only talking about adults. When "child" ends up in that Client Type field, the world takes an ugly turn.
****************************************************************
Type of Victimization.
It makes sense that funding sources need the information. For example, how can they know that prevention education monies are being used wisely if they don't know what exactly is going on in the world? They need to know if someone has been physically or emotionally abused. Of course. It's when the types of victimization became more specific that time stopped.
Confinement.
Pushing.
Throwing.
Choking.
Biting.
Broken bones.
Assault with a weapon.
Burns.
Sexual exploitation.
Sexual assault.
Genital mutilation.
Witness to assault with a weapon.
Assault with a weapon.
Witness to murder.
It's just data. It's just a bunch of choices in a drop-down field. But, it tells a story, and the story it tells when agencies need to be able to select multiple things in that field is a very frightening one.
****************************************************************
Income.
As horrifying as fields for victimization and victim types and such were, it was the income fields that drove home the fact that the stories could belong to anyone. Domestic violence victims aren't only drug addicts living on the streets. They are people just like you and me. They are people living in big houses in good school districts. They are people who drive their kids to school and show up for PTA meetings and volunteer to help those less fortunate. They are people who seem to be living a good life.
Many agencies asked for two pieces of income information--household income and "real" income, meaning the money that the client actually had access to. It was all too common for the household income to be six figures, but for the "real" income to be absolutely nothing.
****************************************************************
If you put the data together, you paint a picture of women who have been isolated and abused. They have done everything they can to protect their children, to make sure they get everything they need, and to be good mothers. Sometimes abusers are prominent members of the community who have carefully woven webs of deceit, designed to trap the women in a world of fear and self-loathing. Once the women break free of that web, they are forced to depend on the kindness of others in order to get by. They need help, whether they want it or not.
Ever since I first read the tales that the data from domestic violence agencies weave, I've wanted to help. I have especially wanted to help those kids who had been used as pawns in a violently complicated game of chess.
Thank you for making that possible.
Christmas Crazy
Reader Comments (13)
If ever there were a post I wish everyone could read it is this one. If ever there were a cause for people to donate to, it is this one. Thank you for posting this and addressing the fact that it isn't just "those" kind of people who are victims of domestic violence.
Funny, because it is my passion and has been since I got my first job out of college, I never questioned WHY you chose the DV shelter. I was just thankful you did. Interesting to hear why.
Very well written post. I tell my kids that Santa needs help to find the people who are hiding.
It's true - few people know the truth about domestic violence. It's easy to picture it happening in alcoholic & drug addicted men and women, but not your neighbor. Not that "good family" that lives acorss the street. Certainly not in your own family. But I have a family member who was abused for years and never told. No one ever knew or suspected until she reached her breaking point and left. And because she left - to protect herself and her kids - she basically gave up everything.
She was told by the police that possession was 9/10ths of the law and they couldn't help her - that if she wanted her stuff - her money - she should move back in. But that was impossible, given the abuse. So he got everything. She moved in to her mother's tiny apartment and then finally got her own. She scrimped & saved to make ends meet while he moved his new woman into their big house with a big yard and nice stuff.
It sucked - but she's much better off. And years later, she is a stronger person. but she was lucky enough to have family and help. Too many women aren't so lucky.
powerful
No child should ever suffer like that. Ever. No adult should use their words or fists to make themselves feel better. Yet every moment of every day it happens and breaks my heart to think about.
Totally love that this year people in the Pittsburgh area have another reason to breathe - they are safe and their children get to have a happy Christmas. No looking over their shoulders - just pure joy.
Rock on!
Data... one can do anything with it. What you did with yours is inspiring. Thank you for doing such great and important work.
Your writing is always so direct and powerful, whether it is for humor or a serious subject like this. I think so many of us have a stereotypical vision of what an abuser or victim looks like or acts like, but that can be well camouflaged in public. Thank you for pointing this out, and for helping provide relief to those who suffer.
@Michelle Smiles--That's probably because once you've seen the real face of domestic violence, it's hard to imaging *not* doing what you can to help.
The wife of one of my bartenders (B) runs a womens' shelter in the East End and the stories I have heard from him about what these women go through and the protection required for them and their children are just sickening, and you are more than correct, these people are from all walks of life and backgrounds. I never questioned why you choose them to be recipients of some holiday love. I couldnt even imagine having to live in a situation where you fear for yours and your kids lives on a daily basis or having to choose a life of struggling hardship over abuse. They can use all the cheer we can offer them and those shelters all the support we can muster. Its a shame that places like that have to exist...but thank god they do.
Before I moved to the Burgh, I volunteered at a domestic violence shelter. It was difficult, though fortunately during my shifts I did not have too many calls and the women in the shelter were safe, so that made things better. The first time I had to take pictures of a woman's bruised back was awful. I am tearing up just writing about it, and that was about 16 years ago. When a high school classmate ended up there with her kids, it really hit home.
God bless you for doing this.
No, no - thank YOU for making it possible. I donate household goods and clothes to the local women's shelter because, just like you said, how can you *not*? But it's easier for me to donate money when it's a personal cause, when it's a charity I know will get real results, when it's something like Christmas Crazy. You make it personal and you show the results and you make it sooooooo easy for us all to give just a little bit more.
And I'm glad you are helping...doing something...getting the word out there.
I'm sorry I didn't help this year. I've been absent from blogging as I've worked on my photog business and now I'm slowing down and noticing the rest of the world. I hope it all works out and thank you for what you do!