Are We Spending Too Much This Year? Absolutely.
Anyone who buys an iPad for a kid is an idiot.
"Why would anyone in their right might spend that kind of money on a Christmas tree?"
That's a gift I would buy for ME, not for a kid.
"If you don't enjoy spending time with those people, why buy them anything?"
She should buy herself a gift so her moron husband doesn't screw Christmas up again.
"It's ridiculous to spend that much on gifts for a kid."
They're all statements I've heard recently. Navigating crowds at the mall, walking down the street, clicking through Facebook, scrolling my twitter timeline, everywhere . . . judgement.
Internet, why do some of you care so much how other people spend their money? I'm asking. Seriously. I don't understand.
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"I don't think we'll be able to make our car payment this month," she said with a grimace on her face.
It was an interesting statement coming from someone who had previously bragged that she bought both of her kids iPod Touches for Christmas. I literally bit my tongue to keep from saying something rude.
Later, I regretted even having thought something rude. The other side of the story, and there always is one, was that she had saved for three months to buy those iPods. It wasn't a lack of planning that had led to a budget shortfall right before the holiday season. It was an unexpected car repair. There's not much anyone can do when that check engine lights comes on except to hope the mechanic has pity on your poor, broke soul.
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"There is no reason in the world why a 5-year old needs an iPad," he growled.
I could think of a few reasons, but maybe that's only because I know more than one kid who has been handed challenges in life that make it difficult to communicate or learn. Although, those "excuses" didn't apply in this situation. A fully healthy and happy 5-year old will be getting an iPad for Christmas this year just because his parents decided that was what they wanted to buy him.
So what? Is there really something wrong with that?
I turned to the man and asked, "How does it have anything to do with you?"
"It makes me look bad," he replied. "And it's just a stupid idea. Logan is just going to destroy that thing."
I didn't know what to say to that. Makes him "look bad?" I guess if one parent spends $600 on his or her kid, we all have to do it or we look bad? And *I* should care if someone else's kid doesn't take care of his gift?
Alrighty then.
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It's hard to keep from assuming the worst. It really, really is. When we hear that someone is living in a shelter, we assume they must have done something to deserve being there. They must have wasted money. They must have acted irresponsibly. They must have done something to ask for trouble.
Victims of domestic violence don't deserve to have to live in a shelter. They didn't ask to end up in that situation.
And neither did their kids.
Every day we walk around passing judgement on the people around us, assuming they are behaving recklessly as they choose how they want to spend their money. Meanwhile, the residents of domestic violence shelters are just trying to be safe.
While you snark about your co-worker putting $1000 worth of Christmas presents on a credit card, shelter residents are just trying to be safe.
All we can do is try our best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt as we do what we can to help people who aren't as fortunate as we are.
That's what Christmas Crazy is all about. It's about making sure that parents who are struggling are able to say "Both!" when trying to decide if they should buy their children a package of socks or a small toy for Christmas. It's about making sure that a few dollars are used to spread a little joy, even as we spoil our own kids rotten just because we can.
It's all anybody really wants--to see joy in the faces of our kids on Christmas morning.
There is a little over two weeks left in Christmas Crazy. Let's make this Christmas the best one ever for the kids who benefit from the services Womansplace provides.
You can donate online here. Or, if you prefer, you can drop-off new, unwrapped toys at Cafe Solstice, Planet Smoothie, or X Shadyside Health and Fitness.
It doesn't take much to make Christmas magical for a kid and his or her parent.
Christmas Crazy
Reader Comments (11)
Yeah, I love you.
Thanks for the reminder, not just about Christmas Crazy, but about not knowing the whole story when we hear something/see something/etc.
you are good...
Amazing.
I am guilty of judging sometimes. Mostly because I am surrounded by a lot of kids who have so much that they appreciate nothing. So many of them are snotty, entitled, and bored by everything. (I will be the first to admit it is absolutely NONE of my business. But in the next breath I wonder if it is because we are raising a generation of entitled kids who have no understanding or appreciation of working for something so maybe it really is our society's business. But probably not.) And I also have to constantly remind my child that just because their friends have X, Y, and Z, doesn't mean she needs it or will get it. But we are a little old fashioned in some of a parenting decisions and we know that so it will be a battle for years to come.
All of that aside, I love that you do Christmas Crazy. Having worked in shelters and with those families for years, I so appreciate those who want to help give those families a happy holiday.
We are trying really hard to instill a sense of charity in our girls so we are trying to involve them as much as we can in our giving this year. But we are struggling to help them reconcile Santa and our need to help. I think we've got it explained but dang kids are too smart for their own good.
This is a great post. Every year, my husband and I struggle with how much to spend on the kids (and we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas). For us, it's not so much a matter of how "can" we spend a certain amount, but "should" we? My Hanukkah presents were CRAP growing up, I almost dreaded the holidays. But, I'm also not interested in keeping up with the Joneses. It's a hard line to walk and you're right -- we shouldn't be judging how a different family chooses to do it. Just because someone buys their kid an iPad doesn't mean it was an easy decision or easily come by.
You're amazing. And you're right. I so totally love this post. We all need some perspective.
"If you don't enjoy spending time with those people, why buy them anything?"
This is a question I asked myself this year. I ended up opting out of a gift exchange I realized I don't want to participate in. I'd rather donate that money than give it to ungrateful recipients that I only see once a year.
I don't care how other people spend their money, and I'm not letting them dictate how/where I spend mine.
I try very hard not to be judgy about how people spend their money... EXCEPT in cases w/ friends, family, or acquaintances where I see them make the same $$ mistakes over & over, ask me for advice over & over, not take that advice over & over, then a few months down the road end up in the same bad financial place they were previously, have been before, and will probably be again. Then... yes, I judge.
If you've been struggling to make rent for months, then go out & buy a new car, get your pre-teen a cell phone for her birthday, and tell me your getting same kid Ugg boots plus the "usual" stack of presents for Christmas, and you're still complaining about how you don't know if you're gonna make rent... again. Yep, I judge you.
And yes, that's a true story. A recent true story.
do you (or anyone) know/can find out, if the shelter would like gently used stuffed animals for the kids? my daughter has some she wants to give to other kids but I have never found a place that will take something not new
@Rebecca - I work there so I'll check for you :)
Checked it out for you and we are only allowed to take new stuffed animals because of safety and hygiene issues. (Not that your daughter is dirty, but you should see some of the donations we get. ick!) Thank your daughter for her generosity, though! :)