As We Cross This Bridge
Lately I feel as if we are standing on a bridge. It's a rickety bridge, poorly made and liable to go crashing down at any moment. Sometimes we move forward on the bridge, sometimes backwards, and sometimes we just hold on for dear life as it sways back and forth in a storm of change. Alexis is working her way across that bridge, dragging us along for the ride. She is finding her way across the bridge between Preschooler and Kid.
Some days she's firmly in the land of preschooler innocence. She trusts everyone and is full of joy, hope, optimism, and curiosity. It's then that I worry. She doesn't understand that sometimes older kids will trick her into doing things just to get her in trouble. She doesn't realize that not all people are good. She fails to see the dark side of humanity. As we cross that frightening bridge, I worry about how she will learn about reality. I hope that she will learn it without feeling the brunt of the pain that disappointment and heartache can bring. And, yet, I know there is nothing that I can do to stop it from happening.
As we cross that bridge, I begin to see the consequences of different parenting styles. While in the Land of Preschooler, it was easy to dismiss complaints with a simple, "Some mommies have different rules than I do." It was easy to pick up Alexis and carry her outside of the reach of bad behavior and other kid obnoxiousness. It was easy to just ignore that not everyone is on the same path as us. Now the explanations are harder, the consequences more painful, and sometimes there really is nothing to be done. Bad ideas are planted, annoying habits are found, and innocence is lost. She becomes less and less the person created in the bubble of our home and more a reflection of her entire universe.
Looking towards the future, I know the Land of Kid will bring great changes. Not only will this space become weighted with the privacy rights of a girl whose life is unique, it will have to adapt entirely to accommodate that unique. And, really, the changes that will happen here are the least of my concerns. It's the changes in the "Real World" that keep me up at night.
Yet, as we cross that bridge, good things infiltrate our lives. Greater independence brings newfound time for the adults. Maturity delivers fewer concerns about safety around the house. And improved communication skills offer up daily laughs. I wouldn't trade our daily conversations for all the money in the world.
As we cross that bridge, I am left to hope that the innocent joy that lives in her eyes stays right where it is, even as she becomes more and more the beautiful person she is soon to be.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Reader Comments (18)
The sparkle in her eyes in that picture is just perfect!
Why can't they stay innocent forever...
It is another world when they go to school. Other children, teachers and sometimes other parent have an influence on our kids good and bad. It's not the same when they were under our wings all day.
Know that no matter what happens she had great parents to aid her in the future even when she isn't at home. My 16 yr old daughter sometimes scares me but in reality she is still sweet an innocent. Okay most days lol she still thinks hello kitty is cute :)
On more than one occasion I have pulled my kids to the side and said, "See what those kids are doing? I don't think that is acceptable and don't wan to see it." It's a tough and frustrating world sometimes.
I think about this all the time. We're still on this side of that bridge, but we take little steps everyday that send us out onto it. There are so many variables out there, so much we can't control. I console myself that we are doing the very best we can to provide her with a foundation that will help her deal with all of the unforeseen in the best way possible. Still. It's scary as hell.
We aren't into the Kid zone yet, but he has been picking up some not so nice behavior from others at school. We actually had to have a long talk about it on the way home from school today.
*sob*
yeah.
I love. I love. I love.
and oh boy do I feel ya
Oh, yeah! I come bearing Good News: you've already given her the foundation she needs to deal. She's learned Love, and Trust, and Happiness. You'll be amazed at how well she's learned who you are and what you believe, even some of the stuff you haven't put into words.
Lovely writing. It is hard to let them out into this world. The tears they shed over other people's actions is infuriating.
Perfect post!!Thank you!!
The Real World scares me as well! You captured this fear so perfectly!
Aww. Great post. And things are so much harder as a parent, the older our children get. Each stage, each age, presents new difficulties and challenges. It's not easy, being a mom.
Its a hard transition but, don't despair. You are raising her the right way and it will show. I remember when the Boy came home from kindergarten, looked at me and said "Mom, some of the kids really don't know appropriate behavior!" Even now at 14, nearly 15, if he is uncomfortable with what some friends are up to he will call me but pretend that I called him and use me as the excuse for why he can't participate in the planned shenanigans. They are smarter than you think and will make you proud.
As the mother of a 14 year old girl who just started high school AND the mother of a two year old girl - with 4 and 5 year old boys in between ..... I have SO been there with these passages you so eloquently describe. Every stage is alternately beautiful and challenging - really. I mean, you take these moments to notice the changes and you settle on sweet memories for a bit - write about it, think on it, get teary - whatever- but... in the actual day to day, new traditions are started - fun, new behaviors and adventures, etc. In fact, I just blogged about how my high schooler starting at a new school was very reminiscent of our first year of kindergarten with her - grade school and middle school had become so "usual", it was/ is nice being the novices for once - everything is new again. I am, thankfully, in a holding pattern with my boys - one is repeating kindergarten (we knew we would do it this way) - one has another year of preschool - same old, same old - ya know - and it gives me a breather - time to enjoy without lamenting the loss of my wee little boys ;-). Nice post.
Yes, but the wonderful thing is that you are right there on that bridge holding her hand. Even when she moves on to other bridges to other lands, she'll remember that you were right there with her, clinging to her hand and screaming right along with her during the times when the bridge was swaying. That memory goes a long way. (Right???)
I love your analogy and especially how you elaborate on it at the beginning of this. "the storm of change" is brewing around here lately too. Hopefully we can all ride it out together... :) xo
Sigh.
About a year ago, my now 7 year old daughter thought that only old people died and there was not evil in the world (e.g., 9/11, shootings, etc.). I would have liked for her to go on thinking like that for even longer, as naive as that sounds, but it was just not practical (maybe homeschooling and no TV WERE the way to go).
As others have said, when you raise your kid how you want her to be and set a good example, that is the best you can do. We have to take comfort (and be hopeful) in that.
That's a great way of putting it - like being on a bridge. It *is* much like a back and forth process - some days my kindergartener is so grown up, other days he just wants to crawl up in my lap.