Blazing a Trail of Independence
It has been . . . a week.
Between dance recitals and preschool graduations and looking across the table at dinner and seeing A Person, A Real Person capable of reaching the light switches and getting her own glass of water and solving actual problems, it has been . . . a week.
As we pull into the driveway, she asks, "Can I go play until dinner is ready?" With permission granted, she runs over to the neighbor's house and plays for an hour. AN HOUR. I don't watch her because we live in a place that makes constant supervision silly and, really, she's big enough to know where the boundaries are. She understands traffic and stranger danger and knows that if she wanders into the big field behind our house Very Bad Things will happen. Where once she followed me around as I made dinner and tried mercilessly to crawl back into my uterus, now she plays outside while I cook. Unsupervised.
We can no longer lob conversations over her head like a tennis ball over a net. Where once we could spell a word here and use a little Pig Latin there to render her clueless, now she's fully aware of what we're saying or spelling. She knows when she should admit it and when she should just remain quiet. She carefully listens to debates about where we should spend a sunny Saturday afternoon and only speaks up if she thinks we've fallen off of the path to fun. We can't even pass notes to one another because she can read and she will grab those notes out of our hands, giggling as she runs away. She even knows how to check text messages on my phone.
She's in a frantic rush to be an adult. Every day she tells me about the things that she's going to do when she's my age. She tells me how she's going to have six daughters and their names will be Jasmine, Cassie, Ella, Ashley, Jenna, and Lily. She's going to let them go to Build-a-Bear whenever they want. She's going to let them leave their Barbies all over the house. She's going to take them to Kennywood every single day. With a smile, I tell her I'm going to enjoy all of the paybacks she has coming her way and that I am NOT babysitting her six spoiled daughters. Mostly I think about how very grown-up she seems as she carefully weaves a future tale based on the reality that she wants for herself right now.
She likes to wake up super early so she can watch TV for a bit before school, a plot which only works out for her if she's dressed early enough. Somewhere between Then and Now she started appearing in the morning fully dressed, her teeth brushed, and her wild hair tamed. She started appearing fully ready to attack the world. She doesn't need me to help her get ready to attack the world.
She no longer needs me for a lot of things.
But she does still need me.
For now.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Reader Comments (20)
Outrageously adorable. She'll always need you, mommy.
Shaddup, you're going to make me cry!
Awesome Post. She has grown up so fast, and so well. I have learned, through my past experiences that they really do grow up that fast.. as I watch my 11 year old completely independent of me, and wonder where time has flown to. I have learned to appreciate... or not take for granted that Izzy still wants to climb back into my uterus.
Thanks for the reminder!
Ugh...this post broke my heart a little bit. She's turning into such a little lady. This whole growing up thing is for the birds...so much to be proud of...but so much changing too fast.
@Sarah--Honestly, I tend to like her more every day that passes. Five is definitely a fun age in ways Two never was. Or, maybe I'm just finding the good in each age as I deal with it.
Mommy is always needed. even though they do not realize it, especially when they are teenagers. they grow up, they leave the nest, but they still need mom. even if it is just for an ear to vent in, or $20 till payday LOL. I know it is sad to see them become independent. i have done it 4 times. then again, give yourself a pat on the back that she has the courage and strength to be independent! you have taught her well :)
I'm torn with looking forward to some of these things and dreading them. It just is all speeding by too quickly.
I think her independence is a testament to how you have raised a shy toddler and helped her blossom into a a more outgoing kindergartner (don't kill me for using that word!) You recognized that she was shy and slowly you helped her overcome that without putting too much pressure on her and without make too big a deal out of it.
And I definitely think that finding the good at each age is the best way to parent. Sure every age has its quirks and bad points. Focusing on the bad points is not nearly as much fun and it's a good way to drive yourself insane.
I remember when we had to stop spelling things - I was glad she could spell, but still.
@Gina--Not being able to get away with spelling things has RUINED MY LIFE. I forget she can figure out what I'm spelling until I'm already way too far into things and then I'm left wanting to spell cuss words. She probably could sound out eff you cee kay, so then I'm left just stammering and mad. GRRRR.
This is a really beautifully written post, Michelle. I bow to your writing skills. Also, you've raised one heck of a 5 year old.
So, a question for you: Do you ever feel bad that Alexis spends a lot of time with the neighbors? My 6 yr old son is CONSTANTLY at the neighbor's house (they have three boys, 6, 9, and 9) and I feel so bad because it's like I'm asking my neighbor to do the parenting. We invite the boys over here but they almost always end up back there because they have ALL the play equipment, toys, stuff. I feel like I'm taking advantage of the situation but my kid BEGS to go over there. How do you strike a balance?
(It might be a bit different for you because you and Mr. Husband both work so, by definition, Alexis isn't home as much as my kids are - please don't take that as a judgement, it's just a difference in our situations.)
Aren't you jealous of people who are bilingual and can switch into another language altogether? As long as they haven't taught the kids that language, of course.
Also, she'll always need her Mama. Maybe not in the same way when she's an adult, but she will. I know I do, and rumor has it that I'm a Grown-Up.
@Katrina--The pisser is that I am bilingual, but the husband is not. Every once in a while I'll try to say something in Spanish and Alexis will figure out what it means before he-who-took-two-years-of-Spanish-in-college does. ::headdesk::
I love this post. It makes we wish for 5 but dread it at the same time. And like most have mentioned, she was always need Mommy.
My goodness, but she's grown up a lot. And she's beautiful. :) My oldest is 18 - make me feel old, why doncha?
Oh, I know you know this but I'm saying it anyway - Alexis is ready to attack the world all on her own because she is completely and utterly confident that you and her dad are right there all of the times. She still needs you...she has just given you a different (yet sitll constant) assignment. :)
I have just one little criticism here: "She doesn't need me to help her get ready to attack the world." Oooooh, not today... but you've spent the last five years helping her get ready to help herself get ready. And don't discount that for a moment!
I really don't know why, but I'm seeing a mini Elizabeth Bennet in these pictures... Someone who's intelligent, smart, independent, headstrong, and "with a lively, playful disposition, which delights in anything ridiculous."
And she's such a beauty!!
One of those names is awesome!
It's weird, isn't it?
I'm telling you this from my "been-there-done-that" vantage point...
She will ALWAYS need you. Through every graduation she'll ever face.