Can We Go Back To The Screamy Girl Thing, Please?
Alexis wasn't born a ridiculously girlie girl. She sort of ... evolved into that role. She has certainly always loved pink and sparkles and all of that stuff, but it was generally intermixed with a reasonable view of gross things. Gross things are gross and we don't pick them up, but we also don't scream just because they're in the same zip code as us. For example, if there's a bee in the yard, we don't scream bloody murder and plead for some strong boy to help us.
We calmly walk away from the bee. That's the rule.
Alexis agreed with the rule until we moved to this house about three years ago. That's when I learned that stupid girlie screams are contagious because Alexis caught that crap from some neighbors.
I have been irritated by it ever since.
Which is exactly why I have been steadily challenging the kid to be a bit more reasonable. We force stink bugs to relocate without screaming. We say, "Hi, ladybug!" as we help ladybugs find their way outside without screaming. Spiders gets kicked to the curb but for the love of all things chocolate, THERE WILL NOT BE SCREAMING.
Can you tell that I'm super not cool with girls screaming when something the size of a fingernail is around?
Until now.
Internet, allow me to introduce you to Taylor.
NOW IS THE TIME TO SCREAM. LOUDLY. NONSTOP.
THAT THING IS LIVING IN MY HOUSE. AND IT HAS A FRIEND. THERE ARE TWO OF THEM. YES, I'M STILL YELLING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE OMG LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.
There is a mother truckin terrarium in that kid's room and she is ridiculously happy that it is now housing two Bess Beetles.
I CAN'T EVEN.
This is science's fault. Totally. For science class, the short peoples have been learning about all sorts of animals. There were guppies and snails and beetles and I don't know what else because those were the only choices on the "adoption form." When the project was done at school, the teacher sent home a form that allowed the kids to choose to adopt something.
Guppy! Alexis, let's get a guppy! We already have lots of fish tanks it can live in!
Noooooooooo, says the Alexis.
Snail! Alexis, let's get a snail! We could really use one in the big aquarium anyway!
Noooooooooo, says the Alexis.
Conversation done.
Nooooooooooo, says the Alexis as she starts begging for a mother truckin Bess Beetle.
I didn't think she'd actually do it, so whatever. I sent in the form. And the hell if the kid didn't show up back at home with two Bess Beetles. TWO OF THEM. Taylor and Megan.
Their care instructions said to put a couple of little twigs in their terrarium so that they can sharpen their teeth.
YOU CAN SCREAM NOW. I KNOW I AM.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Reader Comments (16)
Thanks for the nightmares!
I just fell over laughing.
I'm so sorry, but my dad's words just went galloping through my head: "We wanted to raise you to be independent, we did way too damn good of a job"
:-)
I'm sorry... (said through my snickers)
NO nooooooooo no! HOLY CRAP! We also safely remove stink and lady bugs, but NO NONNOOOOOO for the love of GOD NO! There is a rule...if it lives in a cage or a tank, it doesn't live in our house. It it squeaks or slithers or is just GROSS it does not live in our house...now I have to worry about beetles. Good thing the girls have Fionn trained to kill bugs for them...without screaming...although I think that Cate has responded to Mag's request for a bug killer with "catie to the rescue!" Oh my gosh Michelle, scream away.
That beetle, is a very unique pet, but oh hell no! I was with you about the screaming about insect that moves - really I thought the girls were getting hurt everytime they saw a stinkbug when we moved here. Now they get upset when I try to move 'Bob' or 'Frank' spider/stinkbug (really, we'll find another Bob).
I fear hermit crabs, but I'm content letting the girls look at the hermit crabs at the library, pet store etc, but oh no not in my house. My siblings hermit crabs were always on the loose and getting in my room as a kid. Ughhhhhh
BUGS WITH TEETH WTF???! NO.
I think I'd be screaming too, without a trace of shame.
Bugteeth would make a good punk band name.
Anyone who screens over stink bugs or bees in Western Pennsylvania is really screwed. I only screamed (briefly) at wasps one time, when two of them bit my sandaled foot. I got my revenge shortly thereafter by using chemical warfare to wipe out their nest on my deck.
I think the beetle looks really cool myself. So long as it stays in its terrarium.
When Leslie was about Alexis' age, she got a little snail. Somehow, it escaped its terrarium. One day, while doing the dishes, I backed away from the sink and stepped on something...crunchy. Ewwwwuuuuuuu....
Umm, hi, I'm never coming to your house again. You can blame Alexis.
Ewwww.
I was cool imagining beetles without teeth.
We're covered on all spectrums here. E is enthralled with all things creepy and crawly, begging me for worms everytime I work in the garden. MJ is petrified of anything alive outside that isn't happy and fluffy and furry and will break your eardrums about it. I'm pretty cool with a nice, happy medium. That doesn't include beetles, though.
We have taught (ie. are teaching, because of the contagiousness of the girl screaming) Jena that screaming should only be done if you are hurt badly or there is a very bad emergency. Otherwise it is not permitted. Period.
That being said, it's quite possible that having Taylor & Megan in your home might qualify as a very bad emergency. Commence screaming.
I would love to be less frightened of beetles, good for her.
That being said, I told my son just yesterday that I would not tolerate any kind of bug as a pet, except maybe a tarantula. Yeah, I'm insane.
AHHHH!!!! Yes screaming is totally acceptable here.
Wow. Just...wow.
Of course, I wouldn't be screaming too much.
Luckily, I have screaming girls that freak out about ants so this will never come up in our house.
Probably.
I only screamed once ... ok maybe twice while reading this post.
I am now happy that the hair-trigger gag reflex is alive & well at our house! Thank you!
We DON't tolerate the girl screaming thing simply because every scream sounds like they're being killed with an ax. And because all that screaming happens only at my house...share the love, ladies, it's a big neighborhood.
Is it like, official creepy crawly week or something? There are giant brain-eating slugs invading Texas right now. I so wish I were kidding.
Also, you should add to your list girly-list of Things We Don't Do: going down into the basement when we hear a creepy noise. Because makes as much sense as the screaming.
who are taylor and megan named after?