Candace is Getting a Lump of Coal
As a kid, I always had better things to do than to sit inside and stare at the TV. There were bikes to ride, fields to run in, snow to throw, and friends to find. With the exception of Saturday morning cartoons, TV was boring. Further amplifying the boring, we lived in a neighborhood that couldn't get cable. The rabbit ears and tinfoil that sat on top of our TV wrangled us a whopping three stations, and one of them was fuzzy enough to make you think you had come across a scrambled porn channel. I didn't care, though. TV didn't interest me in the least.
It still doesn't. I'll watch it if it's on, but I currently have no OMG! MUST! WATCH! shows (I used to be hooked on Gilmore Girls, but alas, my special friends have left me . . . ). I could very easily go without any TVs in the house. In fact, a constant source of battle in our lives is that I would LOVE to be rid of the TVs and cable. Meanwhile, I am married to someone who LOVES his TVs and cable.
Personality wise, Alexis is 95% mine. That other 5% is the rogue-must-watch-TV-as-much-as-possible in her. She and Mr. Husband will sit and watch movies and TV for hours and hours and hours, blissfully peaceful and happy. I start twitching after five minutes and wind up flat-out too bored to stay awake after about ten.
That's my excuse for why I never know what the heck my kid is talking about. I mean, she goes on and on and on about her favorite shows and I'm all, the what? Who? Huh? I get lost somewhere between the Carly and the Wizards and the WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THESE THINGS? Sorry. I just don't care about the people on The Disney Channel.
Alexis does. A lot.
There is one show in particular that she quotes frequently. It happens to be a show that annoys me to the point of putting me in a coma if I so much as set eyes on it. Phineas and Ferb. I know plenty of adults who like it, but ZOMG. I just want Ferb to bust out in an angry fit, punching anything and everything around as he yells, "I'M TOO SMART FOR YOU DOUCHENUGGETS!" or something. Anything, actually, just so long as Candace is caught by his fists of fury.
I sort of REALLY don't like Candace. I've never really figured out why until today.
Today Alexis and I were making our way over the hills and through the woods on our way home. The calendar says it's December, so that means Alexis was in the back seat being a jerk. It took me all these years to figure out that December is the kid's Evil Month . . . the month when she forgets how to be polite, when her mouth writes checks her butt can't cash, and when I generally want to just duct tape her to a wall, knowing full well that she'll return to normal all on her own once the New Year hits. She sat in the back seat running her mouth, and I sat in the front seat threatening her with all sorts of things.
Let's just say she lost a few toys today. More than a few, actually.
Somewhere along the way I reminded her that kids who are bad don't get Christmas presents.
She thought about it for a second but then confidently informed me that "Candace was bad and she still got her Christmas presents." The "So there," was implied.
I knew I hated that Candace.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Reader Comments (11)
But... you don't hate ALL Candaces.. right? :D
So, my theory is true with Alexis also?! Every year so far, Dylan turns into Mr.Annoying Who Is This Kid Because He Is Not Mine in October - one month before his birthday! Hmmm... this is bizarre! I wonder if other people have noticed this? I should do a research study.
Ack! I don't think I've ever seen Phineas and Ferb, but I'll stand with you against Candace for that reason alone.
I used to have that problem with my nephew, only it was video games. He'd happily talk for 20 minutes about the Madden football game he just won (with a team he stacked). I finally had to tell him, "Listen, my friend, Uncle Bluz doesn't care about video games. He'll listen all day to hear you talk about the things you actuall did, like on the playground or in your soccer or little league teams. But video games don't really mean anything.
He took it well. From then on, when he'd start motoring, I'd just say, (because I couldn't always tell right off), "Boy, is this real or a video game?"
He'd go, "ummmmm, video game." And we'd talk about something else.
I know it might seem harsh, but it vastly improved the quality of our interaction.
(Yes, yes, I know it's different when they're yours and you see them every day. Throw me a bone, will ya?) =o)
December can bite me.
Yeah. We don't watch Phineas and Ferb around here. I'd heard claims of its awesomeness and we watched 2...MAYBE 3 episodes before I swore it would never appear in my house again. HATE.THEM. I'd rather watch a Spongebob, Mary Poppins marathon...and that's saying a LOT.
THANK YOU for the posts that other kids are rotten this time of year, too! I though it was just me and that I hadn't been threatening enough.
Maybe it's boy humor, too, but Phineas and Ferb are on at our house ALL.THE.TIME. Makes me sick when I start singing, 'There's a Platypus controlling me'.... errrghhh
@Heidi--Alexis is *AWFUL* this time of year. It's astounding how suddenly she goes from generally a good kid to being one who I don't even recognize. The Thanksgiving trip to Indy always triggers it.
Is she the dippy blonde sister? Because I can't stand her either! It's a new addition to our Saturday morning rotation and I can't watch long enough to keep anything straight. Other than it's perpetually summer and there's...a platypus? who is...a secret? I miss Looney Toons.
I see your point but I still love Phineas and Ferb.
Umm, it was actually Buford, not Candace, who was bad but got presents anyway.
Candace can be irritating, but she always gets punished for her foibles. Squirrels in my pants!