Ding Dong, The Whore Is Dead
Sometimes you don't need a baby book or video camera or even a blog to remember the things kids say. Sometimes those words just stick with you.
Like how Alexis first said "bye-bye" to her pediatrician well before her first birthday. That I remember perfectly because I told the pediatrician she was nuts if she thought Alexis was actually saying real words. Which, by the way, *I* was the nutjob that time. Damn kid has proven the point by not shutting up since.
Then there was the time that I had to quickly drag Alexis out of the grocery store as I mumbled, "Kids sure are cute when they aren't talking" because her two-year old self had told the big, burly guy with the Harley jacket that "Boys look silly with ponytails." WHOOPS.
There have been PLENTY of potentially embarrassing statements. Fortunately, though, there have been far more moments of pride.
There's the first time she made friends with a total stranger.
There have been instances when she (rightly) stood up for herself.
And then there is that thing she said on Friday, August 26th at 6:21 pm. There is that thing that I will remember and cherish and love forever and ever and ever. And ever.
On Friday, August 26th at 6:21 pm, Alexis and I were walking through a shoe store in search of some navy shoes for her to wear to school. The child somehow balances her Big Kid self on tiny leprechaun feet, so we had to meander to the toddler shoe section to see if we could find something small enough for her but intended for kids who know how to walk. (You think I exaggerate? I don't. She was wearing a pair of toddler size 8 shoes yesterday. I swore they had to have been all sorts of squishy and hurty, but she claims they weren't, which makes me wonder if I'm buying her 10s and 11s just because I refuse to admit her leprechaun feet are still THAT small).
As we walked down the aisle of toddler shoes, Alexis pointed and commented on every pair of shoes that she spotted. "Those are cute!" and "Those are for babies!" were common statements.
But then she saw them.
The Shoes.
Before I write the words that she said, I should mention that there are some things that are considered off-limits around these parts. Alexis isn't allowed to say "stupid" or "hate" or a few other words, mostly because she hasn't quite grasped the part of the ban where I say she can't say them when referencing people. Things can be stupid and she can hate them, but we don't say mean things about people. (At least not to their face. Ahem.) So, she can't say that she hates a teacher and she can't say that one of her friends is stupid and blah, blah, blah. Point is that I've been trying to teach her when the words are acceptable and when they aren't, but she's struggling with it.
So when we walked down that aisle at the shoe store and she turned to the pair of tennis shoes with Dora the Latina Whore's face on the side of them and declared, "Momma, I HATE Dora," I had to think for a millisecond.
And then I knew. APPROPRIATE USE! I'LL ACCEPT IT!
In fact, I might have to buy the kid a pony.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Reader Comments (16)
HAHAHAHA
I die.
YIPPEEEE! That's a stage I can get behind!!
Oh man, I hope Vivien grasps this soon!!
Holy Crap Michelle - my 2 1/2 yo is wearing size 10.5 toddler shoes! (Then again, he's also almost 40" tall).
@Amber--I told you! LEPRECHAUN FEET!
True story: last spring Alexis' daycare did a class project where all the kids ended up with a footprint on a big poster. Alexis' footprint was the 2nd smallest. The only one smaller than her belonged to a kid who is EASILY a foot shorter than her (some development issues there). So, while Alexis was the 2nd tallest girl in the class and taller than many of the boys, LEPRECHAUN FEET.
Ha! I have effectively encouraged my kids to not like Sponge Bob and Barney. They have been known to say things like "I can't STAND that guy!" My job is done here.
Good for you! And, I thought I was the only mom who made "hate" "stupid" (also, "dumb") off-limits. It makes me feel super-strict, which I'm not, but I don't want him saying it to/about people because it's so hurtful. I would absolutely make an exception for Dora (or Diego)!
My daughter will be 7 and gave me permission to freecycle her Dora lunchbox because Dora is for babies. But don't look in her room because you will see her Dora blanket and poster :) I'm no fan of Dora but as I see her compartmentalizing the little kid stuff in favor of the big kid stuff, it is bittersweet!
We aren't allowed to say those words when referencing people either. My 4-year-old and I just had a long discussion this morning: Mommy? I can hate my chair, the counter, shoes...but NOT people. Right? I think she's getting it...
My kids all talk A LOT, too. My favorite moment was when my then 3-year-old daughter and I were shopping and it was really crowded. A woman walked passed us wearing a tank top and she had a lot of tattoos. My daughter, very serious and concerned, said, "OH NO, Mommy! That lady has MARKER ALL OVER HER!!" {SIGH}. She had just gotten in trouble the day before for coloring on herself...
i need to trust you that this is a great thing seeing as how i have never seen an episode of the offending whore.
also, i do so love the way you tell a story.
p.s. boys DO look silly with ponytails!
Em has small feet, too. Her friends all wear at least 2 sizes bigger.
Yay!
Sabrina has uttered the words "I don't like Dora" (we don't use hate either) repeatedly and often. It warms my heart. Unfortunately, Tessa thinks Dora is awesome. Sabrina is usually voicing her dislike as we are all subjected to another showing of Dora - but we can't turn it off it makes the small one SO happy. I'm waiting for the day that everyone in my house hates Dora.
Victorrrrrrrryyyyyyy!!!!! Oh, you've been waiting for that for such a long time. Glad you got to earn the Cool Mama Points AND be right in the end. :)
(And awesome photo pairing, btw!)
I told my kids they aren't allowed to use "hate" or "stupid" either, but they responded by telling me they hate my stupid rules.
Awesome. Lol & my son is tiny all around, he will be 5 next week and still wears a 9 toddler shoe lol