First World Problems

Whether my car is suicidal or homicidal is an issue that is up for debate, but let's just say right now it's at the shop. Again. To the tune of $2300. (If you see me openly weeping for the next, oh, six months, that's why. It's going to take forever to recover from that unexpected expense.) Fortunately, we have three vehicles, so I've been lucky enough to just steal Mr. Husband's shiny little car for the past few days. He's been stuck driving our really old, really big pick-up truck that doesn't have air conditioning, so I will never complain about how I've been forced to drive a manual.

Except for this one time.

So. While Mr. Husband is pouring sweat in a pleather-seated hot box, I've been trying to relearn how to drive a stick shift. It had been at least ten years since I had done it (side note: WHAT THE FRACKITY FRACK! How did I get to be old enough to reminisce about ten years ago? </side note>). I kinda sorta remembered and have successfully driven the car to run errands a few times, but Friday was the first time I had to drive the thing in traffic.

Like, REAL traffic.

For some reason, traffic after work Friday was terrible, awful, and no good. I needed to meet Mr. Husband to give him Alexis because she didn't want to go to my softball game with me, which was fine, except that apparently everyone else was headed to meet him as well. In my valiant attempts to get around the throngs of people, we wound up completely stuck on a main road. We were just behind a merge point with the interstate, so traffic was extra backed up as people attempted to take turns moving forward.

Normally the whole concept of a merge point is a disaster, but that day it was especially tragic. We didn't move for a solid ten minutes (Funny how having an iPhone makes it easy to figure stuff like that out. Ahem.). Then, we finally started to move a tiny bit, but then we stopped again. Then we moved a tiny bit more, but we stopped again. And again and again and again and AGAIN.

Oh, did I mention that this whole thing was while on a hill? Facing upward? You know, the kind of hills that are known for burning out a clutch or two? Yes, indeed.

I would have been 100% focused on not stalling out and yet not burning out the clutch all the way up that hill, but there was just one more problem. Directly behind me was one of Them. Those People.

Those People who make it a mission to make sure not a single person gets in front of them as cars merge.

The old guy was leaned over his steering wheel, eyes bulging as he painstakingly fought to make sure there was never more than an inch between our bumpers. He flipped drivers off on his left when they signaled and tried to motion that they wanted over. He nearly rammed cars on his right when the drivers tried to pretend they didn't see him. He stayed glued to my bumper like Lindsay Lohan's lips to a liquor bottle.

In the meantime, I fought like crazy to not let my car slip backwards into his car. I couldn't hit the brakes since the split second it takes to get from the brake to the gas would have been enough to cause a domino effect of an accident. I had to ride that clutch like a pro.

While Alexis sat in the back seat singing, "All I wanna do is zooma-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom. Now shake your rump!"

Try that, people. Go ahead, try it. Try to stay focused on something serious while your kid is jamming some Old School tunes in the back. Make sure the kid is bopping her cute little head, wearing her ridiculous flower-shaped sunglasses, and fist-pumping as she sings, though. That part is important.

If stress could be turned to cash and used to buy a new car, I would've came home with a Ferarri F430 Spider on Friday. It would've had to have been an automatic, though.

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Psst . . . there is a new giveaway going on over here.

Comments

[bluzdude]

I've driven a stick for about 30 years, and I still sweat traffic jams on a hill... especially Pittsburgh hills...

[Ginger]

we ditched the stick after about a MONTH in the burgh...that's all it took. I was coming back from the West End Overlook, stopped at that light right next to that firehouse, waiting to turn right onto Stuben and a city cop pulled right up on my bumper...we had a pick up at the time and man oh man was I sweating!!! I didn't want to burn rubber OR roll back into his bumper....It was enough that we got a new bigger truck (that had air) that same week

[Angie]

oh good grief. I hate those kind of drivers. You want to lean out the window and yell "Back off you moron!" I learned how to drive on a stick. That was a nightmare. Learning to drive and learning to drive a pickup truck that was a stick at the same time... Fun times.... NOT. It has been about 6 years since i have driven one though.

And Damn... that car has got it in for you... sheesh.... Love the image of alexis to make it all surreal right?

[Katie]

Now, admittedly, I'm not nice. Often.

I would've been tempted to let the clutch slip and roll back into that jerk. And let him get the ticket for not maintaining a safe distance.

Of course, that would have put both cars in the shop.

It would be worth it.

[Madame Queen]

I was already laughing at my mental image of Alexis rapping from the back seat but that picture sealed the deal! OMG, that is hysterical.

I have to say, I'm an excellent clutch rider (that sounds dirtier than it is). My mom made me practice so much on my first car and then the town I live in now is full of hills, so it was either get good or don't drive.

[Tara R.]

I do love driving a five-speed, but it's time like these that make me glad I live in Florida... no hills. (Because I came into our marriage being the only one who knew how to drive a manual, it fell to me to teach every one else how... spouse and two kids.)

That photo is AWESOME!

[The Mommy]

I want a pair of those sunglasses for our upcoming WDW trip. I love looking that cool!

I think the traffic on Friday was because PennDOT screwed up expoding the bridge supports on the turnpike near Harmarville. I'm assuming they had to, you know, close the road while they were doing it. And then they didn't do it right. And then they had to "call in the big equipment". It was hilarious! But only because I wasn't stuck in it...

Seriously. The guy in charge actually had a half smile. Like, "Yep! We screwed up sumpin' else, yinz guys!"

[Michelle Smiles]

I was on the verge of being proficient at driving a manual when I moved to the Burgh. Shortly after I moved there we had the flood. I was leading a team of crisis counselors through the flooded communities every day for weeks. Which tend to be down hills. But then I had to go back UP the hills. And often get stopped on those hills at stop signs or lights or just traffic. My blood pressure couldn't handle it...I thought I might have a stroke. No more manual for Michelle.

[Colleen - Mommy Always Wins]

SO funny. Only cuz it often happens to me (minus the clutch issues). I've often had TWO little boys raisin' the roof in the backseat. If you're not on a hill while driving stick its actually pretty damn funny.

[Katie in MA]

At least you can still turn the stress into the wicked hilarious. (Cash would be good, though.)

[caramama]

I do not miss stick shifts at ALL. Especially in traffic.

My daughter also has some flower shades. Every time she wears them, everyone looks at her with "how cute" faces and tells her that they like her sunglasses. I'm thinking of getting a pair for myself.

[Jen]

That picture combined with the song lyrics totally made my day.

[Jen]

That is one of my all time favorite pictures of her! Sorry about your car.
Considering the fact that I have a hard time driving a regular car, I've never attempted to learn to drive a stick.

[Momexperience]

Oh how I HATE driving a stick shift. So thankful my husband finally got rid of his old car, so that when I do have to drive his car, I don't have a battle with shifting gears on hills while kids are being loud in the back. And my girls are LOUD, and typically jamming to whatever is on the radio (when they aren't trying to kill each other). My youngest (she's 7!) is a backseat driver already too which just adds to the fun.

LOVE the picture. Looks like Alexis loves her new pool. : )

[Mia]

My husband tried to teach me to drive a stick shift. ONCE! He never knew that a car could hop up and down that high before.

[FireMom]

90's on 9!

God, I love that kid.

But I don't love a stick. At all. Ever. Not even on flat ground.

[Karen]

I am now cringing in a fetal position under the desk, humming to myself. Thanks. I STILL have nightmares of learning to drive on THAT hill in town. I feel your pain.

[Cara]

Hilarious photo! What is she doing to barbie? LOL sounds like fun times!