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"Can I get married when I'm bigger?" Alexis asked. The question came out of absolutely nowhere. One minute we were debating whether the grapes she was eating were purple or red, the next we were talking about plans that better not become reality for another twenty, no thirty . . . wait, no FORTY years.

"If you want to, I guess you can," I replied. It was sort of a lame answer, but the kid caught me off guard when she went from vehemently defending Team Red Grapes to talking about her wedding in under three seconds.

Since she had permission to get married, the four-year old continued on, telling me all the sordid details. She planned to wear a pink dress with a bow and her hair would be long and curly and pulled back in a ponytail. She would wear Big Girl Makeup, including pink lipstick, and pretty pink shoes with heels. As she continued on and on, I quickly scanned my brain for the identity of the person who obviously had been talking about weddings with her and added that person to my To Be Destroyed List.

Once that little issue was mentally resolved, I interrupted Alexis' rambling to ask a few questions. "Who are you going to marry?" I asked. I expected her to list one of her many boyfriends.

"Ummm . . . I don't know," she replied. She went silent for a moment before asking, "Can you find me a husband?"

"Sure," I replied. I mean, who doesn't dream about arranging their own kid's wedding forty years before the big event? ::eyeroll::

"I need a handsome husband," she quickly added.

"Of course," I replied. She needn't have worried. I can't be arranging for my kid to marry somebody who got hit with the Ugly Stick.

"So, are you going to cook for your husband?" I asked.

"Nooooo!" Alexis answered quickly. It was like she had spent hours already figuring out her answer to that question.

"Then who is going to do the cooking?" I asked.

"You are!" she replied. Funny that, considering that the thing I do can only very barely be considered "cooking." If there were more hours in a day, maybe, but not as things are now.

"OK, so then are you going to do the cleaning?" I asked. I fully expected her to tell me that I would be responsible for that part as well. Which, um, HAHAHAHAHAHA! That will never happen.

"No, my husband is going to do all the cleaning," she replied.

I have taught her well.

Comments

[Nap Warden]

Getting married and having kiddos (girls only) is all Miss Peach talks about. Of course, she thinks she will be living with me so I still do all the work:/

[Dave (Scrumpy Daddy)]

Ha!

I love how you'll be there to do the cooking. And how quickly the subjects change during a conversation with kids. "NO, they're red-so can I get married?" Ha!

[Karyn]

you are going to have your hands full when she turns 13/14/15/16.... HUGS!

[Madame Queen]

I like the fact that she's a non-traditional bride already -- no cooking, no cleaning and no white dress. I'm surprised she didn't say that she was going to marry her dad. Even though Caroline had 4 boyfriends last year (most of whom had no idea they had been bestowed with such an honor), when asked she would say she was going to marry her daddy.

[Mia]

Oh yes, you have taught her well. Keep up the good work!

[Jen]

Nice of her to let you live with the new happy couple! : )

[Karen]

Then she won't be eyeballing Josh. That boy nearly got himself beat the other day when he said he'd never have to clean up after himself because his wife would do it when he was married. I'd pulled my arm back but before I could swing Becky said "then you won't be married very long!" Smart girls. Stupid boys.

[FireMom]

LOL.

BB changes his mind daily as to who he is marrying. Sometimes it's Jessie from Toy Story. Of course, he's still determined to not just be a Space Ranger but Buzz Lightyear. Specifically.

Also, that's a... very... pink... wedding. Remind her of this story later. ;)

THat pic? Awesome.

[Melissa]

My almost four year old daughter was a flower girl in my brother's wedding in May. Since then, she's been obsessed with weddings. She constantly talks about who she's going to marry, what she's going to wear, even the flowers she'll have. And she's worried that at three years old, she hasn't found her husband yet. Same as Alexis, she just wants us to pick someone and tell her who the lucky guy is, but it must be someone she knows right now, because she's "not going to marry a stranger". So right now, her choice is her 8 year old brother.

We have a long road ahead of us.

[Tara R.]

Sounds like she's got the domestic plan down.

[Elaine]

Well, I'm glad she's got it all worked out! Good luck with getting him to do all the cleaning though. I do have mine trained to mop so that's good... ;)

The look on her face in that pic is priceless!

[misty]

As the mom of two daughters I have decided that i am all in favor of arranged marriages. Especially when the oldest daughter is 20 and dates the grossest jerks...

[Carpetbagger]

So, you're looking for a handsome guy with a cleaning fetish who doesn't mind eating his mother-in-law's cooking. Hmmm....

[Otter]

Great plan she has there. I suspect she will have planned work for you beyond husband choosing and cooking for years to come.

[Danielle]

I would volunteer my son, but he'll be too busy being a artist/paleontologist/fireman to clean house for Alexis.

Maybe the next one, if she's into younger men?

[The Mommy]

I have a son who LOVES to clean. And he thinks girls should ALWAYS wear pink. When do you want them to meet...2045?

[kimberly]

too funny (for no, of course, while my own daughters are still infants). i haven't been here in awhile and clearly my priorities are misaligned. i forgot how much i laugh when i read your blog. that as much needed as sleep- thanks!

[Bee (@abbyisawkward)]

this post needs to be printed out and signed by alexis before she figures out that she can pick the guy on her own.

and props to teaching her that cleaning can be a man's job!
hopefully she finds someone who will do diaper duty like mr. husband!