Glitter Is The Work Of The Devil
We are officially All Of The Hours into cheer season. Alexis continues to be all aboard the crazy train.
Which is to say, she still loves it with all of her heart and soul.
BLURGH.
Go ahead. Try and tell me how I could just not let her do it. I'll quickly provide you with many examples of bitter and angry 30-something year old women who were once not allowed to do something they really wanted to do. There are some battles not worth fighting, y'all. Alexis and cheerleading is at the top of that list.
Besides, it makes her happy. What makes her happy makes me happy and blah, blah, BLAH.
In the interest of doing all things cheerleading, this past weekend Alexis had an event she needed to be at. It involved getting all dolled up in her cheer gear and performing a few little things, so she was excited. VERY excited.
As we were walking up to the event, I heard the words no sane woman wants to hear. EVER. "Do you want glitter in your hair?"
The question was directed at Alexis. In my head, I screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and tackled the kid in order to protect her from the evil, evil glitter. In reality, I closed my eyes, spun on my heels, and walked away. Good thing Alexis was already where she needed to be!
As I walked away, the glitterification happened. Approximately every drop of glitter ever was dumped on her head and HOOBOY DID SHE THINK IT WAS GREAT. I could hear her smiling from a mile away. Sparkles! Shiny! HOORAY!
As the day went on, the glitter decided to shift. Most of it sort of fell off of her hair and landed squarely on her scalp. Ever tried to pry glitter off of a little girl's scalp? It's about as fun as trying to scrape permanent marker off of your face. I suggest using a chisel.
The rest of the glitter sort of fell ... everywhere. All over my car. All over me. All over the entire universe.
You guys, I think Kesha exploded. It's beyond hope.
The glitterification happened last Saturday. It has been a whole bunch of days since then, which should mean the party is over. Spoiler alert! THE PARTY IS NOT OVER.
There is still glitter embedded in the kid's scalp. There is still glitter all over the inside of my car. And, most notably, as I sat around a conference room table having a very grown-up conversation today, I pried a little piece of glitter off of my eyelid. It was the most professional moment of my life, obviously. I tried to explain that I really hadn't been rolling around in glitter and that my kid had been, but the defense fell on deaf ears.
I should have just blamed Kesha.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Reader Comments (14)
I am laughing. So hard.
You are cracking me up with this!!
Apparently glitter is a big thing at dance recitals also. I didn't realize at my daughter's first one and was the only mom in her class that hadn't brought glitter spray. As all the girls were getting "glitterized", I watched my daughter's eyes get bigger and bigger, then turn towards me expectantly. Luckily, another mom took pity on me and gladly handed over her glitter spray.
I feel your pain. Unfortunately (or not. depending on your own feelings about the stuff) this weakness for glitter does not end with childhood. My 22-year-old, college graduate, knocking-on-the-door-of-a-grownup-job-in-journalism daughter still goes weak in the knees at the mention of glitter. I couldn't count the number of places we have found the evidence ALL OVER THE HOUSE. STILL. She moved out over 2 years ago.
Although it is amusing when she brings her BF and black lab puppy over to visit and they all sparkle in the sun.
Busted, MOM! Glitter is a gift from God and INSTANTLY makes things festive and fairy-like. Believe me, in most cases I'm against anything girly (being one of the biggest tomboys ever) but glitter is just perfect, and there's no denying it goes with camo too! Besides, Mom, Jeff and Ben look nice sparkly!
Your blog scares me. It's like I'm walking into a tunnel and I can't turn around. HEEEEELP MEEEEE. But no one can hear me. No one can help.
And that is when I am so glad to have a boy who can care less about glitter, now if we were talking about dirt then I would totally feel your pain.
there is still glitter in my car from Big Time Rush. It probably blinds people when I'm on the parkway. Sorry about that people
Yes, glitter is the devil's dust.
The mom who invents Glitter-OUT! shampoo will be a rich, rich woman.
The teachers at the Howler's elementary school call glitter a very specific name...and promised to hunt me down and kill me if I ever, as Homeroom Parent, brought it in. Glitter = word that rhymes with chirppees. I'm a brave woman, but not THAT brave, so the Howler and her cronies never got to do a glitter project for any holiday.
ha ha ha! I feel the giitter is in my near future as well. The girl starts dance week after next and while I am excited in some ways I am also, "OMG, tutus and bows and makeup and glitter - AHHHHH". I'll keep you posted. ;)
Oh and a little glitter on your eyelid never hurt anyone, right? Right?!
Too funny...
Since I don't havea girl. I don't really know, but j would try some talc on her scalp to get that glitter to loosen up.
i'm a closet fan of glitter.
there, i admitted it. feels good.
:)