I Don't Do Oozing
She sat arranging and rearranging several bottles of nail polish as I presented her with her choices for earrings. Alexis had requested a "makeover." However, I'm a tomboy, so THAT is never going to happen. Since she's a girly girl, we compromise and I occasionally cave in and paint her nails and change her earrings. For now she's willing to let me call that a "makeover." Don't tell her to argue the point, mmkay?
She settled on the little peace sign earrings, a recent purchase she had made with her own money. It seems that Alexis' ears don't mind cheap earrings, so I've slowly been letting her move towards more "fun" styles. As long as they are microscopic in size, we're good with it. If she tries to sell me on anything Jennifer Lopez would wear, I exercise the power of NOOOOOO.
I brushed her curls behind her ear and went to grab the back of the little silver star earrings she was wearing. I sighed as I realized she was missing a back. She has made a habit of losing earring backs. It truly doesn't bother me since earring backs are easily replaced and don't require that I part with a lot of cash. Mind you, I've told the kid a million times that it's no big deal if she loses a back or even an earring. That's the beauty of her being able to wear earrings that aren't 14K gold.
I decided not to mention that she had lost another back as I grabbed at the little star. I gave it a little tug thinking it would slide right out. When it didn't, I was perplexed. I looked. And looked again.
And . . . Oh.
OH.
My eyes grew wide as a whole bunch of not-kid-friendly words went flying through my head. I turned the kid's head and looked at the other side.
OH. MY. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Someone. SOMEONE was so worried about losing earring backs that she had decided to push them on really far. SOMEONE had pushed them on so far that they had become embedded in her earlobes. Apparently, SOMEONE had done it several days prior to the discovery because the skin had totally healed over the earring backs.
They were INSIDE HER FREAKIN EARS. Like, all the way. Completely not visible and only detectable because there was a little lump in both of her earlobes.
I checked every parenting book we own and didn't find a single one that had a chapter called "Removing Foreign Objects From Inside Your Kid's Head." THE HELL? How could those instructions not come with the kid? Shouldn't they be tattooed on her forehead or something?
I weighed my options. I could ask Dr. Google for a little help. That option would come at a very high price, though. The photos I might encounter, the nightmares that would be told, and the general "Yeah, so you're kid is going to die," attitude that Dr. Google has for EVERY kid drama under the sun would have been life-altering. And bad. VERY, VERY BAD.
I don't do graphic photographs. I'm thinking "earring back embedded in earlobe" HAS to summon all sorts of nightmarish Google Images. And, really, I'm pretty sure if I ask Dr. Google what to do if I cough, he'll tell me that I'm dying. He's such a pessimistic jerk.
You know what's better than graphic photographs? Watching stuff ooze out of your kid's head and not being able to react. I know that because that's what happened. I figured since I was too chicken to ask Dr. Google for help I should at least give Project Earring Back Removal a shot. If I didn't succeed, Plan B was going to be finding a doctor. Little did I know that should have been Plan A because I very nearly passed out trying to maneuver that suddenly ginormous earring back through the itty bitty earring hole.
Did I mention that there was stuff oozing out of her ears? Because there was. And it was the GROSSEST FREAKIN' THING EVER.
Nightmares, people. NIGHTMARES.
It took me a couple of hours to finally free the earring backs from her head. Mind you, the kid sat perfectly still and barely complained at all the entire time. It was me who kept needing a break because OMG GROSSEST THING EVER STUFF OOZING WTFBBQ I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THAT CRAP.
(Psst . . . do you have your Crazy Scary ticket yet? I promise nothing there will be anywhere near as scary as watching fluids ooze from your kid's head. There will be lots of amazing food, drinks, prizes, and all-around fantastic shenanigans. And! It's for the kids! All proceeds will be split between Christmas Crazy and Make Room for Kids.
So, buy your tickets. Now.
Or I'll post photos of the earring back removal process without warning. OH. I WILL.)
Monday, October 17, 2011
Reader Comments (21)
OMG!!!! This makes me think that I am lucky that I have 3 boys and no girls. This is one thing I won't be dealing with. EWWW!
*tiptoes quietly into the sleeping 4 yr old's room to check the backs of her earrings*
That is now my newest nightmare. I can't even get a gigantic, grab-and-pull sliver out of E's hand or foot without having to sit on her practically. This would be pure hell.
As someone who is (un)lucky enough to have to wear *gold* earrings ALL. THE. TIME. I shudder at what you experienced. I recently had to do nearly the same thing to my OWN ears with the FRONTS (yes the FRONT of my earrings embedded them into my ears) when I sent my 'regular' earrings off to be re-backed (I did NOT realize it takes a WEEK to make backs in gold). Had the temporary studs in and apparently my ears did NOT like them so decided to get rid of them by swallowing the entire earring. *shudders*. Never again. In fact I now have an extra set of gold earrings, 'just in case'.
The insanity of pierced ears. The Howler tried it, and man, was that $$ I could have just gotten in ones and used in the bathroom! We finally ditched them about 3 months into it because, no matter what--those dayumed things grew into her lobes, and that was the expensive ones! Seriously. I was the one cleaning them, and I was the one turning them...and to have them be ingrown in 24-36 hours? And the crying? End of the world.
No oozing, though, thankyouverymuch.
Ha! Can't scare me with that one! When I was 16 my mother finally allowed me to get my ears pierced. Just a few weeks into having the new, useless holes in my head I went through the EXACT same thing. By myself. You think my mom that never wanted me to pierce my ears was going to help? blech, barf and swoon. After that I let my ears close. Not long after that my mom got her ears pierced. Weird world.
That happened to me during a camp trip. I was 10. My mom took me to the dr to get them pulled out. It was gross and it hurt. However, I still have my holes!
They have special backs that are great. I use them all the time. The earring stud can't go all the way though them so they can't go that far into the ear and they clip on tight so they don't fall off. I think they might be called safety backs. I bought a package of sets at one of those stands in the mall and haven't had to use the second set at all.
Try those and see if it is better.
That happened to my friend's daughter and it was not pretty. It happened to Emily once shortly after having hers pierced, but we caught it early and it wasn't bad.
You are braver than I am, because I would have been at the ER before you could say "earring". Not only am I squeamish (loose teeth make me gag), but my girls are DRAMA QUEENS. I can't even brush out their hair without major whinging.
@red pen mama--When you're The Parent Who Never Lets The Kid Watch TV, you can use the TV to accomplish great and magical things. Like, get a kid to sit perfectly still while you pry an earring back out of her head.
This happened to one of my best friends in the sixth grade. Just the idea of it scarred me for life way back then! I can't imagine being the mother in this situation and having to be the one to wiggle those backs free ... Yuck!
OK, so I'm like jdp upthread. I begged my mom to let me get my ears pierced when I was 16, and she approved it but told me not to come crying to her if things went wrong. Well, one of my ears got so infected that it swelled up and the front of one of my earrings went inside my ear. I didn't tell her for a week, and then it was the ER for me. They ended up pulling it out through the back of my ear! I never got them repierced.
Reason 242 why I am never having a 3rd child....I'd end up with a girl! Lol.
(Not judging your choice, I swear!!!) But that is why I, personally am not a fan of babies getting ears pierced any younger than they can't take care of the ears themselves. But, I think my mom brainwashed that one into me until I was 10 and she finally let me get my ears pierced for my bday. I remember getting them done and *I* had to take care of them.
@beachmama--Therein lies the problem. Alexis *does* take care of them. 100%. As in, I have never once had to remind her to clean them or anything. She begged for a year to get them done and then fulfilled all duties required when I finally caved in. If I ever paid attention, I might have noticed a lot sooner. Damn responsible kid lulled me into complacency...
i just don't even know what to say other than BETTER YOU THAN ME
Why did I have to read this post?!
My kid had her ears pierced on her eighth birthday this year. When the six weeks were up (when we could remove the earrings), I had trouble. Those backs were in there good. My ears are not pierced, so I had no clue what I was doing. If hubby had not come to the rescue, I would have had to call a girlfriend and face her ridicule.
I don't think I could have done what you did. And I am certain my kid would have been screaming and crying. I have not checked her ears in a week, but maybe I should...
omg omg omg omg. I am suddenly flashing back to eighth grade, when I (finally!) got my ears pierced, and shortly thereafter found out that I have a metal allergy. Turns out I was unconsciously messing with my still-healing holes and earrings because they were bothering me due to the allergy, and the crud from my 13-year-old hands was causing infections... resulting in swelling and oozing and my dad having to maneuver two pairs of pliers entirely too close to my poor, painful ears.
Something kind of similar happened to my aunt once, too - but it turns out that her ears grew around her earring backs because the dummies at the piercing place were using baby studs to pierce everyone's ears, including the adults. The posts weren't long enough, and within a day or two the backs had disappeared into her ears and it was off to the hospital for her.
My sister had to have hers surgically removed as well - we still bring that up and she just turned 40.
Reason #426 to be glad I do not have a daughter. No embedded earring backs.
Oozing, however? Yeah, we have that a'plenty. And they think its coooooollllll.
Oh. Mah. Gawd. That is un-freaking believable. The crazy crap parents have to deal with. I tell ya. I could have never dreamed I would have to do some of the stuff I've done. This sounds pretty bad, but I think I may be able to top it. My oldest was sick from school one day and I heard him screaming from the bathroom. What I saw when I went into the bathroom was the GROSSEST thing I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED in my life!!!! He was standing in front of the toilet to go pee and his butt just exploded with liquid poo. He didn't even know he had to poo but apparently he did. It was like sewage. It was the foulest smelling thing I've ever smelled and it was on EVER SURFACE in my bathroom. Even inside the heating vent. It was awful. The worst thing EVER. Seriously. I didn't even know where to start. I can't even describe it it was so bad.
But removing an earring from a pussing ear sounds pretty damn bad too. Poor kid. And POOR YOU!
That happened to me a lot as a kid. (I got my ears pierced at 5.) I think I started pushing the backs in hard after I lost one of my Darth Vader studs. I remember being upset that my parents wouldn't buy me a new pair.