It Costs Fifty Cents To End A War
I thought the whole school uniform thing was a pain in the butt . . . right up until I met my new frenemy Dress Down Days. In theory I love that Alexis gets a day each week to express her personality and wear whatever she wants (within reason, obviously) but it turns out that dress down days are basically Whatever-Is-NOT-In-Alexis'-Closet Days.
I don't know how the powers-that-be at her school know, but they definitely do. So far every single dress down day has required far more effort for me than should be necessary. For example, did you know that my kid doesn't own a single even remotely patriotic article of clothing? That fact might be a bit of a problem when a dress down day is themed for September 11th. I couldn't very well be THAT parent who doesn't dress her kid in red, white, and blue for the school assembly. After digging through her closet and trying to find something that I could maybe make work, I realized there was no way pink was going to pass for red and I ended up making an emergency run to Old Navy. (We don't know about dress down day themes until the night before.) (Which, uh, what? Why is advance notice so complicated?)
You guys, I'm allergic to buying clothes for my kid when they aren't on clearance. Emergency runs to Old Navy aren't the most expensive of emergency runs, but I had to pay $12 for a t-shirt for her. I don't think I've ever paid $12 for a t-shirt at Old Navy for myself, let alone her. I have broken out in a rash as I paid.
So far there has been one dress down day each week. So far she hasn't had anything to wear for any of them. Zero. Zip. Zilch. It basically means I've had to face the choice of making Alexis wear a uniform on a day when they weren't mandatory, or I've had to run out and buy her something EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
(Oh, shoosh. I know we're only four weeks in. It feels more like years at this point.)
This week, however, I thought we finally had it made. This week's dress down day is to wear blue in support of the troops. (I'm conveniently ignoring the political implications of that theme. Let me stay in my happily oblivious place, please.) Surely the kid owns a blue shirt! Or dress! Or something.
She owns exactly one blue t-shirt which is appropriate for school. I have absolutely no idea how that happened, especially considering I love blue.
Wait.
Yes, I do. I definitely know how it happened. The kid is a princess-loving-glitter-hoarding-girly-girl. Blue is a "boy color" in her head. She doesn't pick out blue clothes. (There's also the fact that I stopped buying her clothes once I knew she was going to be wearing uniforms. That essentially means she has very few "street clothes" in her current sizes.) In fact, the one appropriate blue t-shirt that she owns is one that I picked up when she wasn't with me. She has patently refused to wear it.
I wasn't making an emergency shopping trip just to buy her something blue to wear. No way. I grabbed the "ugly" blue t-shirt and presented it to Alexis.
"I'm not wearing that," she immediately blurted.
"Yes, you are," I said. I don't negotiate with tiny terrorists.
"Nooooo!" she cried. "It's not pretty!" she continued.
Let me just add that the t-shirt in question is from 77 Kids, her favorite store. It features a little girl holding balloons, which is imagery that is totally up her alley. If the shirt were pink, it would probably be her favoritest in all the world. It's that damn "boy color" thing that ruins it for her.
"It's a very pretty shirt and you're wearing it," I told her.
We went back and forth for a few minutes before I realized that she had really dug in her heals on this one. It's usually pretty easy to force her to do things my way, but when she decides to put up a fight, SHE PUTS UP A FIGHT. The kid picks her battles carefully and then fights them with every ounce of might she can muster.
I needed to change strategies.
"I will give you $1 if you wear the shirt," I finally said. Apparently that thing about not negotiating with tiny terrorists was a lie.
"$50," she replied.
Hold on a second. I need to wipe a little tear of pride from my eye. THAT is some pretty impressive negotiation action right there. SO PROUD!
I responded with, "$1.50."
"OK!!!!!" she said as she carefully folded the shirt on top of the rest of her clothes for the day. The extra exclamation points hung in the air, reminding me that it only took a little bit of change to break her attitude.
I took $1.50 out of one of her piggy banks as she busied herself with tormenting a cat. A few minutes later, I handed it to her. Her enthusiasm clearly spelled out, "I won this battle!"
It's really going to suck when she's not so easy to scam, isn't it?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Reader Comments (6)
Ha! I have already resorted to negotiating with my 2 yr old tiny terrorist. I bribe her with a dollar, to which I give her a high five and then she puts it in her pocket.
I'm gonna be in trouble when she realizes what a dollar actually is and all this time she's been getting nothing but a pocket full of air.
OMG! I'm dying laughing over here. I have so done that with "paying" E from her piggy bank. It'll be a sad day when they realize what is really going on with the whole bribery thing!
The school couldn't give parents a month's worth of theme days at a time? Sometimes all you can do is negotiate.
Bribing her with her own money? Genius. Pure Genius.
@tehamy--Technically any money that is in her piggy bank came from me, so it's more like repurposing my own change. Or something.
You paid her from her own money?! Becky is dying over that fact. "I hope I'm that awesome of a mom someday!" were her words. Role model material, right there.