Mark Brown Probably Doesn't Get This Lucky
Spending 10 hours in the car alone with my kid doesn't scare me. Figuring out which movies to load onto her Kindle Fire before spending 10 hours alone in the car with her does.
Here's the thing--if I get it right, I'm in for 10 hours of angels softly singing Kumbaya as Alexis happily stares at her tiny Kindle screen with a dazed and oblivious expression that is reserved for moments when she won't blink or move her lips for fear that I rip that Kindle out of her hands and force her to look for license plates from every state. She is silent, is what I'm saying. SILENT. For hours on end.
Do you know how much duct tape is required to make that happen when we're at home? A LOT.
If I get the movie selection wrong, however, I'm in for 10 hours of My Every Nightmare Come True. The kid will grow bored of the movie and start talking to me. "Why do boys have penises and girls don't?" "What's a 'Sandusky?'" and "Who do you think is cuter, Justin Bieber or Zac Efron?" are the sorts of things she will start rattling off in rapid-fire questioning mode. It's like being interrogated by the FBI, but without rules or boundaries or any sort of logic to the questions.
I can handle her interrogations most of the time, but I am not ashamed to admit that I'm not woman enough to take ten hours of it without having a total and complete mental collapse.
Before we drove down to Tennessee last week, I spent hours pouring over new movie options on Amazon. I needed something cheap, definitely age-appropriate, and GOOD. Captivating. Riveting. Brain-sucking. ALL OF THOSE THINGS.
Please keep in mind that Alexis thinks The Wiz is a good movie. Seriously. She loved that damn movie.
So, uh, her taste might be a little ... off. That makes it harder to predict what she will and won't like. It's all a game of Sanity Roulette.
I knew I had won the Sanity Roulette game before we crossed into Ohio. I hadn't heard the kid so much as blink. I happily rocked out to the latest Linkin Park as I drove and drove and drove with silence reigning supreme over the back seat.
I don't really know when the last time was that I had an hour and a half in the car to myself, but that's what it was. Alexis may have been sitting just a few feet away, but she didn't care about me or my music. She didn't even notice when a giant bird flew right into the side of the car inches from her head. It made a loud and horrifying THUNK when it struck, but she just kept on staring at the screen as I fought the urge to turn around and play nurse to the bird as it flapped around in the middle of the road.
Silence. Beautiful, beautiful silence.
Until suddenly the short person in the back seat shattered the silence by breaking into a round of applause and screaming, "I LOVE THAT MOVIE!"
Sounds adorable, right? Just picture how startling something like that can be when you don't know it's coming. I'm not really sure how I didn't pee my pants in that moment, to be honest.
Regardless, the kid watched the same movie ALL THE WAY to Tennessee. She made it all the way through four times, and each time I knew the movie was over because she hooted and hollered about how great it was.
I've never seen it, but I guess it's time I gave in and saw what all of the fuss is about, eh?
Monday, July 23, 2012
Reader Comments (31)
Yes. You should watch it. It is delightful, and Fred Savage is sooooooo young.
all of my kids LOVE that movie. Not sure they'd watch it for 10 hours straight...but they LOVE it. :) and I always say...anything that keeps them quiet on a road trip WINS!
How have you never seen The Princess Bride?!? That must be remedied.
@mindybakes--The same way I've never seen any Star Wars movies. My attention span is total and complete crap.
I love that movie too! I was probably her age when I saw it for the first time too. And I'm one of those annoying people who can quote it beginning to end (but I promise I won't). :)
I've never seen it either. Maybe I should watch it while trying Nutella for the first time.
Next time, get her to drive so you can watch the Princess Bride. For reals.
Also, Michelle Smiles, bring lots of nutella.
I didn't make I through the Princess Bride, after 30 minutes I turned it off. I just int get it I guess! I also hated The Wiz though :)
I'm in agreement that it should be watched. Actually, I thought it was one of those movie that got funnier the more you watched it. I still quote it!
Hallo, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
I, too, can recite that movie beginning to end. I LOVE it! Definitely gets funnier every time I see it. It is so full of clever dialogue and heart. Definitely take the time to watch it. Let yourself relax and enjoy a couple of hours of fun.
Inconceivable!
I love that movie, but I liked the book more.
Read the book first. It's much better.
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!
IYou.must.watch.it. If only for Billy Crystal.
The comments on this post are super! I agree it's a movie you have to watch more than once to really enjoy it. I wonder if it would keep Juliana busy for a few hours...
Questions fired from the backseat are the most confusing kind.
I have a Princess Bride addiction and I apparently passed it on to the kid. Will have to consider letting her watch it on the long-butt road trip to Idaho/Montana next month.
(When I say addiction I own at least 4 different copies of the DVD's PLUS I just recently bought it on VHS AND I can quote it from beginning to end. It's only competition for "most watched movie" is probably Top Gun. Yes I have odd taste in movies.)
Your kid has impeccable taste, FANTASTIC movie.
You keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means.
You MUST watch it. Even if just to see the R.O.U.S. ;-p
I can see a young child liking the Wiz - it's very colorful and the costumes are cool.
If Alexis loves The Princess Bride already, it means you're raising a fan. See what she thinks of Fellowship of the Ring.
"He's just a little bit dead..."
I've never seen it either. But I was apparently raised under a rock.
One of my favorites and on my list of movies I can watch at anytime. Also have multiple copies. Andre the Giant is so sweet in this. Have fun storming the castle!
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...
well, now i know what the movie night in the driveway needs to be! i have a signed script copy, the book, the vhs tape, the dvd, and the soundtrack on cd. will bring em all along with the popcorn. just tell me when.
(i'm cracking up that while reading the post i heard vizzini in my head the whole time screaming INCONCEIVABLE!)
Someday I'm going to watch the movie and suddenly all of these comments are going to make sense. Right? RIGHT? They will eventually make sense, won't they?
Let me 'splain. No, there is no Time. Let me sum up.
Whoever is posting as PB characters- I want to buy you a cookie. Actually, lots of cookies.
If this were Facebook, I'd "like" the INCONCEIVABLE comment. I can't fathom not seeing it. Alexis is right.