On the Eleventh Day of Christmas Crazy ...

Mila is a parrot. I'm not entirely sure that she has ever said anything that was fully original; mostly she repeats things she hears. "What the heck?" DEFINITELY is an Alexis-ism. "Please and thank you" (as in "Can I have water please and thank you?") comes from me. And, well, I know where "You idiot" comes from, too.

Hint: NOT ME.

Mila said it about eleventy dozen times this weekend, which is swell because if you tell her to use "nice words" her little eyes light up because she realizes she just found another way to push my buttons. No joke, that kid lives to push my buttons. She's fun like that. Reacting in any way when she says something she shouldn't is basically an invitation for her to say it more often.

Alas.

So even as I tried to find a way to take the magic out of Mila's new words, Alexis and I ended up in a conversation about where it came from. First of all, we 100% agreed about who the source is and that it's been heard in the car. That led to a conversation about things that people say when they're driving and you guys. YOU GUYS. I do not yell at other drivers. I also don't talk to them or in any way outwardly acknowledge that the world is filled with people who shouldn't have drivers licenses.

I'm not saying this to infer superiority; it's actually just flat-out logic. Other drivers can't hear me, so why would I spend any energy telling them that they're dumb? They don't know that they're dumb and me yelling it just makes me madder, so I say nothing. I don't understand y'all who yell when you're behind the wheel. So much energy! And they can't hear you! And they aren't worth your time!

Basically, I am an unfeeling wall when I'm driving.

Except for that one day.

There was one day when I kept encountering person after person who was entirely too dense. One honked at me endlessly for not pulling out in front of traffic when it wasn't safe to do so because they assumed I was turning and just didn't have my turn signal on. Which, I didn't have it on because I was going straight and grrrrr. Quit it with the horn.

I maybe demonstrated the proper use of a certain finger because STOP JUDGING ME, HE DESERVED IT. I didn't say a word, just silently said "hi" with my finger and moved on.

Alexis caught it.

She caught it again 20 minutes later when someone ran a red light and nearly hit us and then rage honked at me (for existing? I guess?). THAT is the kind of day it was. Things like people running lights and getting mad at me for their stupid happened over and over. So I maybe made use of that one finger twice.

That's two more times than I've used it in the past ten years. It really was a very special day.

AND YET. Despite the fact that it was exceptionally out of character, Alexis apparently has entirely altered her impression of me driving. As she was telling me where the "idiot" thing came from when Mila said it, she also said, "At least she doesn't flip everyone off like you do."

IT WASN'T EVERYONE OMG.

She has decided I have anger issues while driving.

Basically, I've now decided I need to be more foul-mouthed and such behind the wheel. Mila may repeat it all, but at least then Alexis will judge my behavior as good when I have a good day instead of the whole blanket "you're awful" thing when I have a single bad day. It's best to set expectations early, you know?

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By the way, you've set my Christmas Crazy expectations REALLY high. You should probably make good on them, mmkay? The Amazon list is here, or you can click the happy little reindeer at the bottom. Thanks!

On the eleventh day of Christmas Crazy,

my true love gave to me

dolls for loving,

books for reading,

Superheroes rescuing,

balls for kicking,

blocks for building,

games for playing,

things kids need,

lots of animal fiends,

crafts, paper, and pens

STEM toys they'll love

and all the things for baby.