Planning Alexis' Future Coffee Mug
I walked into the kitchen and immediately knew I had walked into a trap. "What did you do with that tooth, anyway?" the husband asked.
I knew any answer I gave would be the wrong answer. He prefers to keep ALL OF THE THINGS while I prefer to burn ALL OF THE THINGS.
In my defense, I did think about it before I threw away the first tooth that ever fell out of Alexis' face. I thought about it for a very long four seconds. Maybe five. When I couldn't answer the question, "Why would I keep this anyway?" with any sort of intelligent answer, I knew what I should do. The cherry on top is that it would be exactly my luck for Alexis to find a stash of her baby teeth. There is no way to explain your way out of that sort of mess.
I finally answered that the Tooth Fairy had thrown away the tooth and watched in awe as smoke started coming out of the husband's ears. He was not amused. At all. He gave me the usual "I can't believe you didn't keep that" look and walked away, clearly not happy with me.
It's cute when hoarders get mad at non-hoarders for getting rid of things, isn't it?
I told twitter as much and then was shocked . . . absolutely SHOCKED at the replies.
You guys. There are people who are not certifiable hoarders who keep baby teeth.
WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I asked and was never really given an answer that makes sense. For example:
Although, I will admit that I didn't think this idea was altogether bad:
But that's only because I have a thing for creepy dolls.
I do not, however, have a thing for keeping nail clippings. Because OMGWTFBBQPUKE.
Even more puke-inducing:
You guys, I want a bracelet made of human teeth just so I can chase people with it. You know very well everyone would run for dear life. But then I'd have to wear the bracelet, and that ain't happening.
Because, you know, THIS.
"Discarded human tissue" is EXACTLY right. That is why I don't need to keep no freakish baby teeth.
Although, this is a moderately amusing idea:
But nowhere near as attractive as this idea:
That's it. That was the only reason I could find to keep baby teeth--so that I could freak Alexis out in 30 years or so. Perhaps I could give them to her as a house-warming gift?
Oh! Wait! I know! I'll make them into a mug and THEN I will give them to her as a house-warming gift. Don't even think about stealing my idea--it will be trademarked by morning.
Seriously, y'all, why in the world would anyone want their baby teeth? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Reader Comments (16)
You know my feelings about this. I will be throwing them away.
If I was less squeamish, I might consider keeping them and using them for gross tricks. Like slip one into the guacamole at a party - kind of like a king cake...the one who bites down on the tooth has to bring the margaritas next time! (Okay, almost throwing up just thinking about it.)
@Michelle Smiles--Just thinking about that (awesome) gag is enough to make me never eat guacamole again. Good thing I don't like it.o_O
I saved the Toad's until he was about 18. Then I realized that he wouldn't want them, and any woman he married who did want them would be unbalanced and probably looking for voodoorific materials. So I threw them out. In my defense, I also kept them from a sense of guilt, because I suck as the Tooth Fairy. She was always about 3 days late coming for the Toad's teeth.
My Sweetie thinks I should save the Howler's, so I do. Why he thinks it, and it's my job...heck, I'd like to understand why I'm doing it all, and not just standing by while he does it!
and another random thought: if DNA is ever needed to ID the body, there's DNA in teeth that is sometimes usuable even when the teeth are poorly preserved. (and it's scary that I think that at all)
no baby teeth, but my mom still has my placenta!! And my older sister's too!
@Amandeep--AAAACCCCKKKK!
Thankfully, this was not done in my family - then again, the tooth fairy didn't come to our house. I have friends who have their baby teeth and save their kids' teeth. A couple of the also have other "discarded human tissue" such as kidney and gall stones. The grossest by far is the one friend who for some really unknown and stupid reason (in my opinion) decided that, why yes, he would like to keep the appendix he had removed last summer. I don't know for certain, but I'm just guessing that that sort of creepiness may have something to do with him seeing 45 and single.
Realy-realy super great pics. everytime i loose my motivation in training -i remember these pics-- it works and the motivation is soon back
I'm in agreement with you.....unfortunately, I know I'll be having the same conversation with my husband in a few years.
My sister's mother-in-law has her sons' first teeth made into necklaces. Instead of 2 "birthstone kids", she has 2 teeth hanging around her neck. She was so shocked my sister didn't do the same with her daughter's first tooth.
My mother still has her baby teeth. She does have hoarding tendencies. She says she didn't keep ours, but I'm not sure I believe her. If she ever gives me mine I might look at them for curiosity 's sake, but then it's the trash.
The only thing I am likely to keep is a lock of hair. They aren't gross and don't get gross.
@Amandeep I probably don't want to know, but how on earth does one even preserve a placenta??? Yuck.
In Belgium they put them into little (originally ceramic) boxes (google "tandendoosje") and give them to the kids, just so they can marvel at the wonder of losing teeth and see them accumulate.
For me, it was a good reminder that a tooth had fallen out before and it was no big deal the last time. I had the tendency of panicking. It helped to be reminded that my previous teeth had fallen our before and I was still alive after that. :p
@Silica, mom has it in a small box full of talc. Apparently, keeping it submerged in talc prevents it from rotting. It has worked perfectly for mom, from what i hear... For i have absolutely no intention of seeing it myself!!
i would like the record to show that i didn't want, nor did i ask for, the teeth. but i had no idea what the fuck to do with them, so they are in a tiny plastic ring box, in a fireproof box, under my bed. not that i am worried about my baby teeth surviving a fire, but my mom gave them to me with important papers in the fireproof box so i just left them there.
good news is i now know how to get rid of them. i'm patient enough to wait almost a year for your birthday to roll around again...
p.s. all this teeth talk...am i allowed to demand a photo of penny?
My hoarder dad kept the 2 that my son has lost so far, and then my son found them in his things, few days later they disappeared, so I am assuming my son played with them and lost them. Long story short, they are in the garbage but at least I didn't have to be the one who throw them away.
OK - I'm not a big fan of kids' teeth anyway...I refuse to pull them and don't even want to SEE them when they're loose...so WHY in the heck would I KEEP them?! That is simply gross to me. And I've often wondered what one would do with said teeth, but that "housewarming" comment killed me! Ugh!
The tooth fairy flushed every tooth so far (and thank goodness for those little tooth boxes, because THIS tooth fairy will not touch the teeth!).