Shut Up. Listen.
I've been called out for using racist words twice. The first time was decades ago and I handled it terribly. HORRIBLY. Fortunately, though, I was called out by someone who had the patience to deal with my stupid and who thought I was worth his time. He waited for me to be done rambling stupid words and then gave me the best advice ever. "Shut up and just listen."
Thanks, Dwight. I very much so appreciate that you taught me that little trick.
The second time I was called out, I remembered that advice, thereby saving myself from digging myself into an even bigger hole.
I suppose at this point there are a few people who are shaking their heads as they climb atop their pedestal and declare themselves better than me because they've never said anything racist. Well, remember Dwight's words? They apply here. They apply here because EVERYONE has said racist things; the issue is whether you had the self-awareness to catch yourself or if there was somebody who heard you and thought you were worth saving from yourself.
Harsh, I know, but nobody calls you out for racism if they think it's a waste of their time. That's why I haven't called out that guy I went to high school with -- his ignorance runs so deep that it's obvious he's beyond hope.
But, man, when people tell you, it's a gift. It's an incredible gift that allows you a golden opportunity to become a better person and sets you up to break the cycle. You just have to remember what Dwight said. Shut up. Listen.
The reason I've been thinking about that day Dwight taught me a thing or two about myself is that whole Wendy Bell thing. If you've managed to avoid seeing the Facebook post that was her digging herself a very deep hole, this is a good link to review. It does a most excellent job of going through what she said and why what she said was racist.
That's not up for debate, by the way. It. Was. Racist. If you don't see that it was racist, I refer you back to Dwight's advice. You have spent too much time talking and not enough time listening if you don't see it. And when I say "listening," I mean listening to hear, not listening to plan your reply. You have to listen without making the conversation about yourself and you have to listen until you understand. You will if you pay attention. Find that Black friend that you bring up every time a conversation comes up about race (because obviously you can't be racist if you have a Black friend ::eyeroll:: ) and listen. Maybe start by asking the person to tell you some stories about the racism that they have faced. They will have stories. Don't interject yourself into those stores. Just. Listen.
And that happens to be my advice to Wendy Bell. While there are lots of reasons for me to think she has deemed herself superior to me, I think maybe this time I have the advantage because I had Dwight. I also have the advantage of having paid attention to what the word "racist" means. It's not about men in white hoods setting things on fire and throwing around hate speech. It's much more subtle.
Racism is the belief that a particular race is superior or inferior to another, that a person's social and moral traits are predetermined by his or her inborn biological characteristics.
Wendy Bell did a bang-up job of demonstrating what that whole "traits are predetermined by his or her inborn biological characteristics" thing looks like with her post. I mean, if there was a class that taught students how to write privileged white garbage, we now know for certain who should teach the class.
So, Wendy, own the fact that you wrote racist words. Stop throwing around apologies that say things like "I'm sorry you read it that way" because that is a whole other class you could teach and it would be called Passive Aggressive Crap 101. Then stop with the "I'm just being real" because I swear we covered that a few days ago here when we said "telling it like it is" is code for "I'm a jerk and I won't apologize for it."
Shut up.
Listen.
Make Dwight proud.
And for the love of donuts, don't go making sure you're photographed with a Black friend or volunteering at a soup kitchen or some crap because those tricks are all played out. The world has taught you that it's okay to be condescending towards certain Black people as long as you're mostly subtle about it, but you've been given an opportunity to see your stupid. Own it. Stop the cycle.
Together. We've got to stop the cycle together.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Reader Comments (6)
It is wise to listen, even when you think you are right and fully understand a situation. I feel that applies to both sides of this incident.
In my opinion, Damon Young's response article is more racist and hurtful to race relations than Wendy Bell's facebook post. While Wendy can be faulted for the tone and context of her comments, and insinuations likely to be made from them, Damon reads a lot into what Wendy wrote. He accuses her of things beyond what she wrote, much of it because of her race. It is obvious he is angry and writing from his heart. That's understandable. But what is needed is for everyone to realize there are perspectives other than their own and that statements involving race should not be evaluated based solely on the race of the person saying it. The solution to racism is not to retaliate with more racism.
you are so wise, my friend. and so is dwight! thank you for writing this.
(also, the "for the love of donuts" phrase was fantastic! so appreciated. stupid racist donuts don't deserve my money.)
I don't think I've told you lately how awesome you are. Well, you are really tremendously stupendously wonderfully awesome. I'm so glad you made Pittsburgh your home and see fit to share the awesome.
Seriously. Thanks.
"And when I say "listening," I mean listening to hear, not listening to plan your reply."
GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
I am not sure why anyone expects more of someone who is paid to read stuff other people write. Anyone who,has watched Wendy or most of the others reading the news on TV knows they are a vacuous bunch of people. What she did was wrong. But expecting much out of a news reader - local celebrity type is going to be disappointed. It is,like playing chess with a pigeon - what is the point?
Late to the party on this post, but I wanted to tell you that you did a fantastic job with this topic. Keep up the good work!