Some Questions Are Best Left Unanswered
The call came at 3:09pm. I didn't even have to look at my cell phone to know it was going to be bad news. Preschool has its own unique ringtone. While others may hear a cheery tune when it plays, I hear something like the Jaws theme.
The news wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting, but when I heard the word, "coughing," I immediately said I'd be right there to get Alexis. "Coughing" is pretty much the worst word anyone can use to describe Alexis' condition. Tell me she has a fever and I'm all sorts of -meh.- She can be achy and miserable and I'm all sorts of -meh.- But, coughing? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know why she hates to cough so much, I just know that one little tickle in the back of her throat and BAM! The kid starts freaking out. The whining! The moaning! The drama!
Once I had Alexis in the car, I began to assess the situation. No fever. No chills. No aches. Just a minor little cough. Except, if it was her tale to tell, she had a "terrible cough" and was quite possibly going to die. Waaaaaaaaah! I began offering her Luden's as if they were candy (which, frankly, they are), telling her that they were medicine that would help her cough go away.
As is always the way with a well-delivered placebo, it worked. Her cough calmed down. But then just as we began to near our house, the tickle started to creep up her throat again. I heard Alexis start to fret, so I tried to distract her.
"Hey, so what did you have for lunch?" I asked.
"Momma, I can't stop coughing," she whined.
"Do you want to watch Dancing with the Stars tonight?" I offered. I had recorded it THANK GOODNESS.
*cough* *cough* "Momma, I don't feeeeel gooood," she replied.
I could sense that she was starting to panic. Heck, I was starting to panic.
"Hey, so, should we invite the High School Musical kids to your birthday party, or would you rather go on a date with the Jonas Brothers?" I was willing to do anything to prevent what I knew came next. You see, Alexis is a Pittsburgher in training. She is learning to panic about the simplest of things. Since she can't rush out to buy toilet paper and milk when there's a 10% chance of snow in the forecast, she focuses on something that she can do.
You guys, when Alexis starts to panic about being sick, she can make herself sick. On command. I fully expect to some day see her on an episode of America's Top Model training wanna-be models methods of bulimia because the girl can make herself puke if she tries for even half a second. Just like Pittsburghers are convinced one snowflake is the beginning of the apocalypse, Alexis is convinced that one cough is the beginning of a puke festival.
Except, she really can make it happen.
All over the back of my car.
Peas. That was the answer to my question. She had peas for lunch.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Reader Comments (19)
I feel your pain. My daughter used to be able to puke at the drop of a hat. Didn't want to eat, puke, didn't want to stay in bed, puke, upset didn't get her way, cry then puke, wasn't feeling school, you guessed it she puked. I swear she still can do it to this day. Not the best talent in the world but I will let you know she isn't bullimic by any means. It gets better. Hope the puke smell in the car goes away soon.
yuck.
Vinegar is good for getting the puke smell out.
And don't submerge the harness straps in water - it can weaken them too much and become unsafe. Use a damp cloth and mild soap (if you didn't get it clean already).
Ah, a kindred spirit! I was full of the awesome when it came to puking on command through most of my childhood. So many great memories - the special times, the important people's shoes.
My mother still holds on to a certain incident in the back of a brand new station wagon. I had had fruit loops.
For what it's worth, though, that skill landed me with a full fledged puke-phobia in adulthood. A stomach bug is my complete undoing. So, yeah, no worries on that bulimia front.
Awe. Poor you and poor Alexis, and poor car. Yes, vinegar is magic. I have the same daughter fast forwarded to age 10. every tiny thing is a reason to whine bitch and moan. If I were president, I would outlaw all three.
I might have done something similar when I was 4.. Except that it was in my moms prized Vega, and it was spaghetti-o's.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her tickle cough doesn't develop into something tangibly sick-like.
Good luck mommy!
Gag. So sorry. Tessa is that way (with the puking if she thinks about it - not the willing herself to be sick). Fortunately, Sabrina never gets sick because she is such a drama queen.
Hope she feels better.
Enu tries to puke on demand, but all she can do is spit. So she'll come get me and say she threw up all over the floor and I'll find a small pile of spit....I guess I should be happy about this?
Good luck on your car cleaning!
Caileigh works herself up when she cries & I know vomiting will happen. Last week we were leaving my mother in law's and she got so upset she started crying and I knew it was coming. I said to my husband she is going to throw up and bam! Thankfully we were still in their driveway b/c she just ate sherbet. Talk about making you feel like you're loved (not). Crying so hard she pukes b/c she has to come home w/ you! At least her little sister just looked at her like "what is your problem?"
1st of all ...I'm laughing and feel horrible for doingo so...hope Alexis feels better, hope mom doesn't go insane and hope the car doesn't smell like puke peas for long.
2nd... EEEWWW!
well that was a disgusting visual at 7:30 in the morning. Gross! But i hope she feels better!
Oh, that's wrong. WRONG.
EWww. Sorry for you. Caroline has that unique talent, too. Except hers happens when she cries too much, so if you hear her start to really cry, you have to try to head it off at the pass. My success rate right now is about 50%. :/
EWWWWW!
I've recently learned that cheap vodke, half mixed with water, is also stellar for removing nearly any smell.
The Howler will take almost anything as long as she does NOT puke. She used to cry herself into puking, but hated it so much, all we have to do when she decides crying will get her what she wants is to offer her a bucket and miracle of all miracles, the crying stops.
She's got great aim when she does puke though--I can be in another room, and somehow, it curves through doorways, arcs across rooms, loop-de-loops until it hits me. Every. Time.
Aw. So sorry to hear. Hope she gets over the cough (and obscene aversion to the cough!) soon.
How much do I lurve that you chose a pic with her mouth stapled shut? :) Also? You win. Anything. Everything. Because if my kids did that whenever they coughed, we'd be house-bound. Forever.
Oh No! You poor, poor Momma! I hope she is feeling much better today. ;-)
EW. As you know, Alex just did that last night.
Sorry it was in the car. And she answered the question for you in a way that, well, sucks.
Hilarious. Peas. I can't believe people from up north freak out about the snow like that. I thought it was only people in the south where it snows once a year. But that one time even if it doesn't stick means a run on grociers. People are crazy.
And just like that, I am no longer supremely frustrated by my oldest son's inability to keep from making certain disgusting marks in his unmentionables. On command puking. Just no.
Hope she feels better.