Tell Me This Isn't A Thing Because ACK!
A hurricane of birthday party invitations has blown into our home, sucking up time but delivering Alexis a mountain of happiness. She has been enjoying attending one party after another after another for the past few months. If she's happy, I'm happy, so it has been a Very Good Thing.
Except.
There is a trend that seems to have infiltrated the pre-school sector. I don't get it. At all.
Is it just me, or is it nuts to have a registry for a 4 or 5-year olds birthday party?
Mind you, I am from the Land of Opposite of Birthday Registries. For Alexis' first real party, I asked people to bring canned goods for a donation to a local food bank in lieu of gifts. The guests didn't listen very well, which created some conflict when those who did listen felt bad for not showing up with a real gift. But, I did mean it. The kid didn't need a single thing. NOTHING. She was aware of the arrangement and that she shouldn't expect presents and was OK with it.
I didn't want to repeat the conflict this year, so I just let people do whatever. It. Was. Ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.
Alexis has played with maybe half of that stuff. The other half is just taking up space in a closet until the day comes when she's looking for something new to be the center of her world for a minute or two. I think it's safe to say I'm going to go back to a present-free sort of party next year, if I can figure out a way to make it not awkward.
Anyway, I know I'm all sorts of anti-ridiculous birthday gifts, but I just can't figure out a world in which it makes sense to let a 5-year old wander around a store and make a list of potential birthday gifts. Some of the registries I've seen have been mostly reasonable, but one had a long list of items that started at $50.
$50. $50!
The most expensive item on that list was $150, which, HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I'll get right on spending $150 on a gift for your kid. (Spoiler: I won't spend that much on my own kid.) Maybe they just did one list and also gave it to grandparents or whatever, but still. It was really hard not to ask what they were thinking with that list. It wasn't an over-the-top fancy party by any means, but the registry sure was.
Registry or not, Alexis thinks everyone wants a Barbie for their birthday. I'll just keep on letting her pick one out each time we are getting ready to go to a party.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Reader Comments (56)
SHUT UP NO WAY.
Holy geeze I hope I don't run into any of that because I'd die. And then like, buy a cow in their name through Heifer or something.
Holy smokes, I hope this isn't a trend. It's absolutely the nuttiest thing I've ever heard.
I can't lie, we've done lists...but just for the grandparents and aunts and uncles and such. I couldn't imagine sending guests out with a "list" Thank goodness for Maggie that she thinks making everyone's gift is appropriate and either "orders" from mommy, or I help her make it herself (aka headbands, pretty necklaces, etc) and so far her friends have LOVED every single gift we've given them. We get the best notes from our made gifts that we just never really saw with our go to "toys r us" gift cards!
Good luck!
And, I'm trying so hard to have children why? Because buying some other parent's kid a gift like that is TOTALLY in the realm of reality?!?
We did two years of "no gifts please," and yeah, it got awkward - some people complied, others didn't, and everyone felt weird. So last year we just let it go, and it was pretty obscene. I wish I knew the answer, but I'm pretty sure registries AREN'T it!
We've used lists (handwritten and an Amazon wish list) for our daughter, but we don't make it public. It's more for the grandparents and other family members who prefer to see a list. When people ask what my daughter needs, I always say that she doesn't need anything. Don't feel like you have to get her anything. When they protest, I tell them to get her whatever you would like. If they press, I'll say that she likes books.
But I have seen that Toys R Us has a registry. And I believe it is a trend that will continue because of how wedding/baby registries are done nowadays. Not too long ago it was considered rude to include registry information in a shower/wedding invitation. It's bad etiquette to tell people what to buy, but it's now common and expected to do just that.
Insane. Heard of it but thankfully we have successfully avoided all birthday parties exc. family or close friends & we are lucky that we have plenty of family that a friends party won't be happening for a few more tears. It's one of the big things I dread about kindergarten - opening the world of birthday parties.
On one hand I get it- I personally would have no idea what to buy a 5 yr old girl. But on the other- what's wrong with calling the mom and asking her what the daughter is in to? At least that's what we did in the dark ages, right?
I keep an amazon wish list (really only so I can print it), esp around Christmas, so when everyone calls and asks what to buy I can tell them something specific. Grandparents like that ;-) Once I tell one person I cross it off my list. I don't have time to return toys.
An effing registry for a child's birthday party? How about learning that sometimes when you get two of the same present or hey, maybe something unwanted entirely, it's yet another lesson in the ongoing series known as Life's Not Fair, Get Used To It.
A registry for a preschool child is ridiculous. I'm fine with a list for family. But really? That's obscene. My daughter said she wants nothing for her upcoming birthday. She is doing a food drive instead like she did last year. It made her feel good.
It is weird though, when people showed up with gifts when we specifically said no. But whatev. J had a fantastic feel good birthday.
BTW the book you got Bella? I found others that go with it. All sorts of excited! <3
Seriously? Can I just stop my kids from growing? Registries seem so over the top...but I did just take The Mom Pledge so I can't disrespect the parents' choice...but I CAN say not for my family! Honestly, I am floored. Floored. Thank goodness you have a touch on reality!!! ;)
What Andrea said!
Wow. I thought registries were just for weddings. It's like the freaking Twilight Zone. I have entered the Mommy Twilight Zone.
How about in lieu of gifts....a gift card for Make Room for kids...or even Christmas Crazy....it's never too early to start.
WHAT? I have never ever heard of af children's birthday gift registry! That is so ridiculous. And I most certainly rebel against that and get something NOT ON THE REGISTRY! As if. And when you have that many birthday parties to go to, it starts adding up, you know? Sheesh!
My preschoolers were invited to a party were parents requested no gifts or homemade only gifts. It was pretty awesome; my kids really enjoyed making a gift for their friend.
It's a thing. A BULLSHIT thing. I am all for registries for weddings - I really do want to know what the couple needs. And baby showers are OK, too. But that is where I draw the line. I can understand people with families that live far away creating one at Christmas so the relatives can get some ideas but informing a child's party guests of a registry is not only tacky, it's teaching our kids to demand what they want, rather than being grateful for what they get.
If I don't know what to get a kid, I will give the parents a quick call & ask what kind of things they like - just a general idea. This registry bullshit is insane. We went to a party that had one a few years ago and it was disgusting - a bunch of very expensive things from a very expensive store. In fact - it was obviously a move on the parents part to make a point (We are rich/classy/whatever because we want things from THIS fancy store. Things that you could get at Toys R Us for half the price, but we want from the expensive store because we are THOSE PEOPLE).
easily the most outrageous thing I've ever heard... Funny, I was just reading an article about the kids we are creating with these sorts of shenanigans and the adults they will one day be. it's sad. This is nuts... i hate the crap my kid gets at her birthday parties... your idea is SO fantastic! LOVE it... because you are right... these parents spend money on complete junk... because, really, what else costs $15-20?
Holy crap!! My oldest is almost 7 and we haven't come across a kid registry. I try to keep gifts between $10-15. There are 20 other kids in his class and we have gotten invited to about half the parties (mostly the boys) and that would be pretty freakin expensive.
As a woman who did not even have a registry for her wedding.........I think this idea is insane and greedy and well, just plain stupid! But that's just my opinion.
I had student in class who made a registry for his birthday. Over a month in advance. He brought it in and showed it to me. It had well over 100 items on it, most of which were very expensive. I had a very hard time biting my tongue, especially when I caught wind that he was circulating the list around at recess time. I quickly put a stop to that, but really?
I agree, a few ideas for family, maybe. I had a hard enough time coming up with ideas for my little guy's birthday. Like you said, he really doesn't need anything. Once you start making a public list, at a store and passing it out to party guests...where do you go from there?
That is nuts! Then again, I get really sick of answering the "What should I get your son for his birthday?" emails that start about a month before the party. It is hard enough for me to think of something! What is the big deal? If you mess up - that is what gift receipts are for!
Whoa, I would not let my kids make a registry for a birthday. I ask them what they want and pass along the info to people who ask. A list starting at 50 is ridiculous at that age....esp when you have 20 some kids in a class that all have parties. Over the course of the year that is a THOUSAND dollars for birthday parties. YIKES.
We do an Amazon wish list around Christmas time which I let only my mother and mother-in-law see. I really just set it up to keep track of all the cool things my kids mention, because I would never remember everything if I waited, and because both my mom and MIL prefer not to have to hunt through a store and guess at what the kids want. However, I would never, ever, ever, let my kids do a gift registry for their birthdays, and I was especially not let them circulate it to their friends.
If my kids are invited to a party, I will call or email the mom to ask what the child is into, unless I already know, and I usually limit it to $20, unless the parents are close friends of ours, in which I might go $25-$30. If someone asks me about my kids, I give general things, like cars or princesses. I grew up having birthday parties with presents, and I will let my kids do the same - however, immediately following birthdays and Christmas, we sit down and go through their current toys and select things to be donated to Goodwill. Sometimes the things that are donated are things that they still play with. I also make the kids pick out one gift each for Toys for Tots at Christmas and they drop it into the box. I want to teach them that giving is more important and just as fun as getting.
could you designate that the gifts received will go to the local womens shelter or maybe to Childrens? Kids still get to pick a present, no clutter, happpiness all around.
I have seen some outrageous party stuff for pre-schoolers but this tops even the invitation we received for a part at the Science center that was 5 hours long with bus transportation to and from.
I can understand maintaining an Amazon wish list. I do this for my kids. That way if people want to buy a gift they can get an idea of what they want. There's usually 10 items or less on the darn things though I try to put things on there around Christmas and birthdays. But I don't send that information out with the Christmas cards. It's mostly family that hits it in the first place. A full on registry makes me stabby. There is a school of thought that registries are rude to start with even for weddings or baby showers (I don't necessarily agree) - it looks like gift grubbing, especially if you broadcast the registry information far and wide. FOR A PRE-SCHOOLER?!
Ridiculous.
That is INSANE. I've heard of "wish lists" on amazon, but only for family members (and usually for Christmas). My son is in pre-school, so we have party after party since everyone invites the whole class - which could get pretty expensive. I've got some go-to gifts that have been huge hits that I order from amazon and I never spend more than $20 unless it's a close friend.
I think those parents are being really tacky and I would NOT be getting their kid anything off that list.
i'm kinda weeping for the future if those entitled brats are gonna be running the country
Never heard of such a thing! Unreal..
LOVE the idea of guests bringing some sort of donation instead of a gift and including the kid in on the idea...look forward to hearing what you come up with for the next birthday!
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I wish I could say it was a fluke but I, myself, have been confronted with that when someone sent out a Facebook (TO ALL OF HER FRIENDS THAT BARELY EVEN KNOW HER and certainly were not invited to her kid's party) that a gift registry was available for her son's first Christmas. I could not believe that someone close to her didn't smack that idea out of her head because I certainly have people around me who would have had an intervention for me. The gall of people!
I agree with someone else who said to ask the parents, which is what I just did for a party. But if not, so what if your kid ends up getting something he does not like? Donate it (after thanking the giver).
My kid has had only one birthday party, and for it we requested no gifts. Only one person complied, which I am sure made that one person feel bad. My kid already has a lot and obviously people are unwilling to go along with a no-gift rule, so I am sticking with no party or will at least space them out with quite a few years in between.
As an aside, I have noticed a trend recently where kids do not open up gifts at parties. Perhaps this is so those of us who cannot afford a tres expensive gift don't feel bad when our gift is opened. Or maybe it is b/c parents are afraid their kids won't seem grateful when they open up the gifts. No idea. But it is curious.
Oh my word! That is crazyness to have a registry for a kid. And even if you were drunk and let the kid to a registry why would you expect people to pay $50 or more on a gift? $20 is pushing it. It's just rude.
I love your idea of a gift free party. Maybe state anything broght will be donated weather it be a gift or the requested item. You will get a head start on your toys for tots drive if you save the birthday gifts for that. Then anyone who brings anything will not feel bad. Have a toys for tots bin and your food bin or whatever you are trying to collect for. I love that you are always paying it forward.
I hope God blesses you with the kindness you show towards others.
I don't love inviting and having all the stray kids from the school come for a party. I don't know the kids or the parents and a lot of times the parents will just drop them off and leave. This year I bought 20 happy meals from McDonalds and took them to the school and the class ate lunch in their class room for Korbin's birthday "party". Everyone got a toy (happy meal toy) and they sung happy birthday and went out to recess afterwards. The cost was much less than if I had to buy all the stuff for a regular party and clean up was minimal and we had a class full of very happy first graders and it avoided all of the gift giving/getting craziness. PERFECT!!
I didn't know these existed until last year when I emailed my sister-in-law to see what my niece and nephew would like for Christmas. She replied with their Toys R Us registry links. Cheapest item on both registries? A Nintendo DS. Yeah, that's gonna happen.
@facie--I think I could get behind the idea of not opening gifts during the party. I was thinking about that at last week's party when the kids spent 30 minutes watching gifts get opened during a party that was only 90 minutes long. The parents paid a lot of money to hold that party at The Little Gym, so it seemed like a shame that almost half of their time was sucked up with gifts/cake when the kids could have been climbing and running and jumping instead.
I could also get behind it because if everybody doesn't see what everyone else brought, it might help slow down some parents' competitive spirit. Maybe.
People want to give gifts - it's how they're wired. We've gotten around that already by requesting specific things. (Bear with me here.) The year Becky turned 5, we told people she was an emerging reader and wanted books as gifts. We made it into a cutesy rhyme and let them know it's the only gift expected, and it worked! We've had Matchbox parties (because they're like Barbies, boys can't have too many), and pillowcase parties (what kid doesn't like a fun new pillowcase with all sorts of cartoons on that you wouldn't spend money on yourself?) and even "$10 and under outside play toys" parties. (Sidewalk chalk rocks that category, as do balls.)
Creativity is your best friend. If you're going to get gifts, direct people smartly.
Living in Leboland, fortunately I haven't come across this ...yet! I usually have my daughter ask the friend what they want and shop from there. Since she's the Social Diva and gets invited to many parties, gifts range from $15-20 depending on their friendship.
I have to say, with my daughter's birthday coming up in June, I LOVE Mia's idea of donations to MR4K or Christmas Crazy!
I love this blog. There are so many great ideas in all the responses. We are new to the area. Anna will start kindergarten in Mt. Lebo in the Fall. Until now, we have not had these issues. My older kids have been giving Amazon and iTunes gift cards for years now. Jacob did have a friend whose iPod Touch was stolen, and all of his friends got together to replace it for her birthday. I was really proud of them for doing something like that.
I really do have 2 extra tix for Imagination Movers.
I don't have any kids, but I've seen some of these kids parties. I think that some of this starts here. When I grew up, I had a party on my 13th bday (pool party at the holiday inn), 16th (fire-hall party with a kid who shared the bday with me) and a small one on my 21st with family. That was it. Some of these parties can be quite out of hand, costing lots of money. Is THAT really necessary?
Now, again, I don't have kids, maybe if I did it would be different.
I LOVE amazon's wishlist feature, but I keep "my" wishlist private and use it as a means of keeping track of my gift ideas for other people. For example, Mother's Day is coming up and instead of trying to remember (memory? what's that?) the cute book I saw 6 weeks ago and considered getting for my sister's first mother's day, I added it to my private wishlist with a note in the comment box that says "For ____'s first mother's day!" so I can easily find it later when Mother's Day approaches. Just wanted to chime in that the wishlist can be a handy tool for giving, not just for receiving.
(Although I am not a mother,) I cannot even FATHOM sending a gift wishlist for a child's birthday party. And with FIFTY DOLLAR GIFTS!? I just... no.
You know what? My SIL once made a powerpoint presentation on "STUFF THE BABY WANTS", but only because I asked what does she want for her bday. But it was more for her ridiculous family, than THE WAY SHE DOES THINGS.
Thank God.
@briya--I am SO making a PowerPoint presentation instead of lists when family asks for them next year for Christmas! I hate making the lists with the fire of 10000000 suns, but picturing them having to endure a PowerPoint presentation will dull that pain, for sure.
A birthday registry for a preschooler?
Hell, my husband and I get only each other a book for our birthdays. (And Christmas too.) One book. I've obviously been playing this birthday thing all wrong. :P
Seriously, though, that just blows my mind anyone would create a registry, let alone an expensive one, for a small child. It's ridiculous. I let my parents and sisters buy things for my sons because they're the ONLY kids in our family and right now (while we're still paying back my husband's ginormous law school loans) we can't afford to get them lots of extra toys/stuff. We're talking about inviting a few of my older son's friends for his 5th birthday party in the summer and making it a No Gift party, but I like your donation idea even better. Thanks for calling it out and standing up for what's right, as usual. ;)
I can't believe this is a think in the Burgh! I now live in TX, in a relatively affluent area, and it's thankfully NOT a thing. In fact, my friends would give me so much crap if I ever even thought of distributing a gift registery for my kids (8yr old & 5 yr old). The "keeping up with the Jones'" effect is definitely minimized by opening presents only after the party is over and the guests are gone. Also, I can't stand buying mega-brand merchandise as gifts, so I almost always give art supplies, in varying forms.
Oh I so agree with you and would really encourage you to not give up on the gift-free party. What an awesome thing you are teaching your daughter. Simply having a party and having fun with friends and celebrating is what it is all about--not greed and entitlement. Gifts are wonderful, if you simply appreciate them for what they are--gifts, NOT requirements.
For a gift free party you can specify that any gifts will be donated to a children's charity.
Do I even have to say what I think here? This is what they call a "no brainer" right?
I mean I had a problem with including info as to where we were registered for baby things IN the invitations to my baby showers but my friends INSISTED that that's what everyone was doing. And I guess the point of a shower is to bring gifts. But it's not necessarily the point of a birthday party, even though people always bring gifts no matter what (as you know).
Anyway, I have a hard time with this and you can guarantee that I will never be sending out a gift registry for my kids' b-day party. Deplorable.
I had *never* heard of a birthday party registry until I got one last week in my daughter's lunch box. I was shocked. I looked at the list and have already decided I won't be getting anything on it, just to be stubborn :) the birthday girl is going to be 5, and my daughter is 4 - part of the fun for her is picking out a gift for her friend. So I take her to walmart or target, show her 3-4 gifts I am willing to pay for and let her pick which one. she gets so excited to wrap it, sign the card and give it to her friend; it's adorable.
the place for this birthday party is questionable too, but i won't even go there :)
Great responses - I love the theme ideas that would result in a home made or low budget gift. We opened gifts after Juliana's party last year - didn't want to take time away from the play time and I was able to see what she was opening. Some of the toys went straight to the Stuff a Bus pile. If anyone asks for requests I almost always respond with art supplies. We generally only go to the parties if it is a good friend of J. And she usually has an idea of what she wants to give them. She made necklaces for her best friend this year and it was the hit of the party.