The Crazy Bat Lady Isn't All That Crazy
Let's review this summer from a wild angle, shall we?
A snake. In my yard.
There was a shrew which I was oddly attached to, right up until the neighbor's cat bit its head off and left it in our driveway.
Frogs. Lots and lots of frogs.
Did I mention that some birds decided to make a nest in one of our vents? As in, they were INSIDE OUR HOUSE ABOVE THE FAMILY ROOM CEILING? And that there were eggs? And baby birds? And that you could hear the baby birds chirping when you were in the Hello Kitty bathroom? Well, you could. They moved out on their own, but only after a very long few weeks of us debating whether or not we needed to evict them.
All of that is to say, he should have known.
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We sat gathered in the neighbor's driveway (Not the neighbors with the nuisance cat, the neighbor who makes amazing salads) chatting about this thing and that thing and everything in between. I don't remember exactly how our attention turned to a bat flying overhead, but it did.
And then another one flew overhead.
And then another.
"Um, I think there are bats flying out of our house," I said slowly.
I couldn't be sure because the sun was singing a goodnight lullaby as it slipped below the horizon, but at least five bats had most certainly appeared from the front corner of our house.
Please refer back to the first section of this post. Would you have doubted me?
The husband did. He doubted me and he mocked me and he started calling me The Crazy Bat Lady. "There's no way they're flying out of our house, you nutball," he said.
Dear Married Men,
Never tell your wife there is no way she's right. The universe will shift, magic will happen, fairy godmothers will make dreams come true. If she wasn't right when the conversation started, she will be by the time it's done.
Love,
The Woman Who Has Played This Game For Over 12 Years
He went on to make a Very. Big. Deal. out of my wrongness. A boys vs. girls debate broke out with us women-folk insisting that someone needed to climb a ladder and make sure there weren't any holes leading into the attic. The men-folk thought it was all very funny because HAHAHA THERE IS NO WAY THERE ARE BATS FLYING OUT OF THE HOUSE. At some point, the neighbor grabbed a flashlight and tried to prove that men are smart, but it had gotten too late. No bats were to be seen that night. The husband took that as a sign that he was right.
But the next night the husband got a phone call. We were out picking up medicine for the girl with the gross arm when the husband's cell phone rang and the neighbor was on the line.
"I'm watching bats fly out of your house. Your wife was right," he said.
I couldn't hear the words, but the smoke coming out of the husband's ears told the whole story. I fought the urge to scream IN YOUR FACE and succeeded, but only because YOU GUYS, THERE WERE BATS FLYING OUT OF MY HOUSE.
The next day was filled with ladders and exploration and the confirmation that they weren't actually in the house, but rather living between a piece of trim and the brick. Which, you know, is definitely better. Seriously. I like bats when they are outside. They eat bugs. Bug eaters are good! If they make their way inside my house, though? GAME ON. And by GAME ON I mean the only solution to this problem is to burn the house down. Twice.
Anyway, the little tiny hole the bats were using to get behind the trim has been filled and the bats have moved on to someone else's house (sorry to whichever neighbor has been blessed with their presence!). All that is left to prove that I was right and that the bats were indeed flying out of our house is a blog post.
And a video.
I TOLD YOU SO, MR. HUSBAND.
For the record, there were SEVENTEEN bats living in that tiny hole. SEVENTEEN. I only managed to capture thirteen of them on video, but I assure you the other four were there.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Reader Comments (17)
And centipedes. You forgot the centipedes ... :(
Crazy bat lady -1, hubs - 0. He should have known..... Love it!
Long ago, when my younger brother was in Jr high, he was tasked with painting our barn, as a summer job. Hearing some scratching and squeaking, he climbed up to the top of our six foot ladder to peek up under the eave. He ended up finding himself with his nose about six inches from a bat. Needless to say, he set a land/speed record leaping off the ladder and running for the house. And screaming.
HOW COULD I FORGET THE CENTIPEDES?????
OMG.
I still think they win for weirdest wild invasion.
The man v. woman bat debate is eternal. Happens ever couple of years 'round here. And I'm always RIGHT. And he's always WRONG. And he never misses a chance to begin that debate. So he can LOSE. (It helps that we live in the house I grew up in, so neener neener--yes, I say that--I know the cracks, crevices, and bat hidey holes.)
That's a lot of bats! And I see someone else has already mentioned the centipedes. Ick!
All though you win for the most invasions by creatures I still win by scariest invasion I think, When both me and my younger brother were both in Elementary school some time between 1991 and 1994 we were at home while my mom and were at school for a parent teacher night and my grandmother was with me and my brother. We were eating dinner, I got up to get a drink and looked up at the ceiling lamp above the table and I noticed a bee, I told my grandma about it be we just went back to dinner, but I looked up a minute or two later and noticed about 5 bees up there then. We started to get worried then so we all got up from the table and noticed even more bees coming over to the light we ran out of the house and drove straight to the school to alert my mom and dad, We drove back home and gathered my uncle who lived next to us and called my cousin over to. They gathered up as many raid or other sprays they could find along with a shop vac and covered as much of their body as possible and jackets and face masks then they went in. Thousands of bees were in our home by then and it took a very late night effort to kill all of the bees. I know they must have got stung a few times and the next day at school I had a large mason jar filled to the brim with dead bees.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,. I am squeeling like a little girl...wait I am a girl so its okay. YOU HAD BATS IN YOUR HOUSE!!!
Ick. Glad you didn't have to burn it down. But ick. And duh to the husband who tempted the universe by taunting the wife. We are always right. I made my husband agree before we got married that in all situations we would start with the premise that I am correct until proven otherwise. It works well for me.
Our dog got skunked in our back yard last Tuesday night. Stupid skunk sprayed Wednesday night, and again around 4 this morning. We now have mothballs in the crawl space under the house, and it smells almost as bad as the skunk spray. My hubs dreamt last night about sitting outside with his rifle, waiting for the skunk. I feel your pain!!
I'm so glad you got video proof of your right-ness. :)
Oh, boy. Bats and I don't get along. The best was the time we found one in among the clothes racks when I worked at JCPenney. At first we thought it was a bird (our dept was near the loading doors, so that happened a lot). And then it hung upside down from some hangers and I freaked. Like you, I don't mind when they're outside (or in a cave, where I managed to kill one very accidentally with my hard hat once) but in my house? Fire seems like a logical solution.
and he wouldn't even watch with us!
I am waiting for the video of the locusts.
It's only a couple of months until Halloween. You should have kept the bats for the most realistic effect ever!
Love the video as proof, in my house there were smallish fruit eaten every night in the front porch until we discover bats were coming and having a party there at night, now we must leave the light on if we want to keep them away.
There seems to be a bat epidemic this year. Last week there was a bat circling in my bedroom. It flew off and after an hour my husband was able to relocate it outside. Just two short days later, the bat returned (or perhaps a second bat). We were able to get him out more quickly. I still get nervous around 11 pm- their witching hour (in this house at least); luckily we have been all clear for 5 days.