The Laughing Grandmas
Hop . . . Skip . . . Hop . . . Skip . . . Hop . . . Skip . . . Hop . . . Skip . . . SPLAT.
A flurry of golden ruffles flew upside-down as the little girl landed right smack on her bottom, her legs straight up in the air. She quickly popped back onto her tap shoes as the spotlight followed her around the stage. She continued on with her routine as a ripple of chuckles worked its way around the room.
*********************************************************************
An arm went left, a leg went right, one girl hopped while another girl bopped. There was no telling who was doing the dance steps correctly. Perhaps none of the girls had it right. There was absolutely no semblance of choreography that was even slightly in sync.
It was such a mess that many in the audience began to laugh.
*********************************************************************
She reached her arms way up high in the sky and then quickly began to lean forward. As her hands grabbed hold of the ground, her feet flew up into the air. It looked as if she was going to execute her cartwheel just fine, but at the last second her arms buckled and she crumpled to the ground into a pile of sequins and ruffles. She jumped to her feet and ran to the end of the mat as laughter filled the auditorium.
*********************************************************************
The little girl in the red polka-dotted costume enthusiastically threw every ounce of her 30-something pounds into the music. She waved her arms wildly as the music played, clearly feeling every beat. Her feet energetically carried her across the stage . . . and right into one of the other little dancers. After a brief moment staring at each other, they recovered from their collision and went back to dancing.
Chuckles flittered about, originating from every corner of the audience.
*********************************************************************
I admit, I'm extra-sensitive to it. That's because Alexis is extra-sensitive to anyone laughing when she makes a mistake. Sometimes she wants to be in on the joke, but often she crumbles into a pile of tears and embarrassment if anyone laughs at one of her moments of klutziness.
All through the dance recital, I was continuously mortified by the grandmas laughing . . . it seemed to be mostly the grandmas, anyway. Is there a generational thing that happens where cute and klutzy becomes worthy of a guffaw once you hit a certain age? Do people wake up one day and just start to find little kids' mistakes funny?
I mean, I get thinking the errors were cute. They absolutely were. But worthy of a laugh? If it were me on that stage and I had been the one who fell on my butt, laughter would have been the worst possible response.
I know that if Alexis had made a mistake and the grandmas had laughed, she would have been crushed. Possibly for life.
If any of those kids end up developing a phobia of public speaking or performing on a stage, I'm totally blaming the laughing grandmas.
Pssst . . . In case you didn't notice, I added a page with links to all of the recipes I have posted. There's also a new post on the Photography Blog page and a new giveaway on the Review page.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Reader Comments (18)
Part of what makes a dance recital so adorable is watching all the kids try so hard. It's downright mean when people laugh (or snicker or giggle). I mean, come on, these are little kids!
@tehamy--THANK YOU. I seriously was beginning to think I was the only one who thought it was mean to laugh at the kids.
OH NO!! I guess I'm a laughing grandma. I was quietly chuckeling to myself as I was reading. I was just thinking aww how precious. That it must have been so adorable. Sometimes the mistakes are better than the actual preformance when they are that age. Hopefully they are so young they will forget it ever happened. However, I know Alexis's memory is steller... so that would have been an issue for her. So glad she did so well. :-) She looks absolutely beautiful in her costume.
What lovely photos. Alexis is adorable.
AGREED! I haven't really been involved in this stuff (no recitals for Maggie yet!) but I would seriously feel awful for the kids for getting laughed at. Maggie is VERY sensitive to things like that and I guess maybe if you aren't around a kid who IS, you don't think about it? Like, you think that THEY see the humor in it too? But she most certainly does not, and we have had to be conscious of that lately. So I would definitely not be a giggler (though, I concur that the mistakes they make are ADORABLE. They just don't see it that way!)
I am with you. I am mortified for any child that is laughed at by an adult when they are not trying to be funny. Poor kids, and shame on the adults!
In this context, I agree: the laughs can be misconstrued and make kids self-conscious, and little kids at this point shouldn't be self conscious.
However, I have a kid who melts down (sometimes) when I'm teasing with her -- yes, laughing at her a little. And that bothers me. I want her to have a sense of humor about herself, and be able to take good-natured ribbing. Obviously, two things: 1. it is worse when she is tired or hungry and 2. *good natured* being key here. I don't want my kids to roll over for bullies who are "just having fun".
So I guess my thinking is if the laughter is good natured and not mean, and if the little kids can remain unselfconscious about it -- or even laugh at themselves at little bit -- then it's all right. But once someone is in tears, that is just wrong.
We're gearing up for our 2nd big recital for my four year old (and our first for our 2 1/2 year old) and this very thing has been on my mind lately because my mom is definitely one of those laughers. She does it because she is completely overjoyed to see those kids up there and she does it whether they do perfectly (they never do) or not. I've asked my mom to tone it down a bit but I can't exactly ask everyone else to do that so I start preparing my kids for that laughter as soon as I can. My 4 year old now expect grown up's to laugh as a way of showing that they're amused by what she is doing. And really - usually people are laughing at my girl because she is laughing right back at them with no abandon. :)
I did 1 ONE year of dance for this very reason. We had to at one point in the routine (at the age of 6, mind you!) turn our backs to the audience, bend over and shake our butts. The audience laughed and whistled and I was so MORTIFIED I never did it again.
I grew up with my grandparents in Poland while I was in the USA and I can tell you my Babcia would never laugh at a child's mistake because she is conscientious of the fact that when kids hear laughter they don't get it the way old people do, aww so cute, they hear laughter, they think someone is laughing at someone or something. It's hurtful. Also, my Babcia and the rest of my family never believed in good natured teasing. I was raised that if you love someone you don't tease them or poke fun or laugh at them. Because you love them.
We are adults, we should be able to control ourselves and our reactions to something enough to not crush someone's feelings, especially someone so little. We are grown they are not. They are little and vulnerable and on a stage performing for us and they know it and when they hear laughter, they AREN'T going to psychoanalyze it. They are going to take it in, feel hurt, and remember.
They fell. You laughed. What would a child take it as besides you laughed because they fell?
Sorry to those who laugh who think kids won't remember. But you know, I noticed something about teens who laugh when their friends get hurt. Their parents usually laughed when they got hurt or messed up as kids. Perhaps they will next time think about that and control themselves.
We had exactly that issue this weekend. My daughter didn't fall apart, but she did ask me why people had laughed when her group had to start over. (Which is another issue altogether; the kids were in the wrong spot on the stage, so they started over. No one would've known there was a problem if the teacher hadn't pointed it out!) I told her that sometimes people laugh when they're happy, and seeing the beautiful dancing made the audience very happy.
Once I became a Mother and saw the way my Mom interacted with my son, I was horrified. She seemed to see him as a form of entertainment than a person, and it triggered a lot of sad emotions for me because it reminded me of how she treated me as a child. www.PeachNeitherHereNorThere.blogspot.com
I think you are confusing laughing at with laughing in enjoyment of. I have enjoyed numerous child performances in my 16 years of being a parent - the best are always the kids 5 and under. And many times I laugh in my enjoyment. I wave. And I am one of the loudest to applaud and whistle at the end. At that age it is all about the enjoyment of both the child and the parents (and grandparents). Making mistakes can be funny. And endearing. Help your kids learn to not take themselves so seriously and to enjoy the moment. Believe me, there is plenty of time for the sensativity when they pass the age of 12! Watching and laughing with other people's young children is pure joy!
I've been to my share of recitals and I guess I'd have to say I'm one of the laughing Mamas. I mean, if someone falls I don't laugh, but those 3-5 year olds on the stage are cute and frankly funny. I was laughing so hard at Peanut stealing the show I was crying. But it wasn't mistakes necessarily. I guess I'll have to see if I laugh at mistakes. Diva has been in dance for several years and as hubby puts it, she's rythmically challenged. I don't necessarily laugh a her, but well, maybe I do snicker. The girl just doesn't have what it takes. That's why she won't be in dance next year. When the teen was little and in dance and she cried through the whole performance, I laughed. I guess I'm in the minority. I'll certainly be thinking about this come June 18.
All that being said, I'm proud of my girls for getting up on that stage and I tell them I am. I buy them flowers like all the other moms and I encourage them. I hug them and I love them, and if a little laughing hurts their feelings, I'll turn it into a learning experience because their feelings can't always be protected and they'll have to learn to laugh at their mistakes.
I hope you don't hate me now.
I added this comment on Facebook too -- Laughing AT your kid IS NEVER OK. My MIL frequently laughs at my son and it makes me so mad I want to hit something (ok, you can imagine what I want to hit). Laughing AT him is so different from laughing because he is adorable and funny. Kids are smart enough to know the difference and blaming the kid for being too sensitive is just a way to blame the victim for your cruelty and insensitivity.
If this is a generational thing, than THANK GOD that it is changing and is not OK anymore.
@Debbie--It's going to take a lot more than that. ;-)
I absolutely agree that kids need to learn to laugh at mistakes, but at a recital? Is that the best time? I mean, if Alexis runs into the patio door at full speed not realizing it was closed, as soon as I know she's OK, I'm laughing my butt off. If she gets offended, it's a good time to talk about how it's OK to laugh at mistakes. But, if she fell during a recital performance, I'd feel for her. It's a lot of work reaching that point, so I can see wanting to do your best and needing to be told about the victories of the performance and not having anybody laugh.
@Polish Mom on the Prairie--I *HATE* those sorts of dance moves. Fortunately the place Alexis takes class at right now doesn't seem to do them because GAH! The kids never seem to understand what's so funny about shaking your butt.
This happened to my son when he was in a play. When he did his lines, he sounded so *earnest* that people laughed. And he was very upset by that. "Why did people laugh at me?" he demanded. I explained that people were so surprised that he performed so well, and they knew that clapping would mean no one could hear them, that they laughed. That worked, for this year. Don't know if it will work next time he's in a play.
It would make me mad too. A lot of kids have fragile egos and they don't know that the laughing is because they are cute. I get myself all worked up when adults talk during a kids performance. Or forget to turn off their damn cell phone.