The Obligatory First Day of School Post
Dear Alexis,
By the time you read this, you'll already know this fun little fact, but I'll share it here just in case. I lose sleep over major decisions, struggling with them and weighing my options and thinking entirely too hard about them. But, once the decision is made, I let it go. I forgive myself if things don't go the way I had hoped. I do it because I believe that if I've given a decision all of my heart when making it, I owe it to myself to find my happy in the consequences.
I wasn't able to do that last year when it came to the decision about where you should go to school.
I second-guessed myself and regretted things and considered changing paths and generally continued to struggle long past the moment I first dropped you off in that lunchroom just over a year ago.
I have a feeling this year is going to be more of the same. We've changed course and moved you to a new school. I'm not sure how it will end. I'm working towards finding peace with it because IT'S DONE. I have no time machine to go back and change it. Letting go is hard, though.
Really hard.
It took me until that moment when your bus pulled away from the curb this morning to figure out why I'm still toiling over the decision. It's because you've reached an age where it's up to you.
You have to find your happy.
I may pick your school, but how you interact with teachers and classmates and your school work is 100% you. I can guide you, encourage you, and try to help you along the field of life when need be, but you have to do it on your own.
All I can do is pick the school and then yell encouraging words from the sidelines.
It's really a very minor decision to pick your school. But, really, it's one of the few I still have.
So, my dear, grab hold of this fresh start as tight as you can. Squeeze every last bit of happiness out of it, give it everything you've got, and I'll be right over here cheering you on.
Love,
The Lady Who Was Super Grateful That You Still Wanted Me To Walk You To The Bus Stop
P.S.
I know for a fact it was a Little Kid who I put on that bus this morning. So why the heck was it a Big Kid who I took out for dinner this evening? STOP GROWING UP SO FAST.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Reader Comments (10)
I've been struggling with the exact same issues this year with Micah. It's hard, making major life changes for your kids, knowing that ultimately, they're in charge of coping with the changes all on their own. But you've raised that girl so well, she'll always find herself in the winning end. Stop worrying. She'll be alright.
No uniform! I bet that's the best part so far.
There is a lot of wisdom in your words: You have to find your happy. I am going to borrow them for my kid, as I try to let go a little more each year (well, each month; baby steps). I hope Alexis has a great year. I am pretty sure she will.
And in case you need this (though it sounds as if you don't), best advice from my dad: Whatever decision you make, you will make it the right one. Too often I over-analyze decisions and then I spend time fretting over the actual decisions. Sometimes reminding myself of my dad's advice helps.
I hope the both of you have a great school year.
@Linda--I don't know which one of us is happier about it, but WOOOOOO! NO UNIFORMS!
I'm merely curious, so I have to ask (and obviously you don't have to answer) but I wonder why, if this blog is "for Alexis" in the future, why (from an outside standpoint) the blog is solely from you to Alexis? Sometimes, when you address her on here, I almost feel like I'm reading it from a single parent's viewpoint. I'm not criticizing, I just always get curious about the Husband's take on it all. If this were a novel, it reads like he's a supporting character. Again, no criticism, just curiosity—if I'm not overstepping my bounds, of course.
@Alexa--His "role" here is exactly what he wants it to be for various reasons. He reads daily, but prefers to not be mentioned. :-)
you put a little kid on the bus and you took a big kid out to dinner...so why am i the one with tears in my eyes??!?!!!
oh yeah...the way you write hits me in the heart and i just adore your girl.
i have a feeling alexis will rock school. hard!
I am sure she will be ok at the new school, my son actually thinks is unfair that he doesn't get to ride the yellow bus to school.
When did she get so big?!?