This Is Why I Make Out With Silence Whenever I Can
If I didn't know better, I would think that I have the words "Talk to me" tattooed on my forehead. That's to say, I have a magical ability to attract complete strangers who want to tell me their innermost thoughts. There have been many times that I've thought I should have been a psychologist so that I would at least get paid for listening.
The most noteworthy random encounter happened several years ago in the greeting card aisle at Walmart. I was walking through the aisle on the way to another part of the store when a clearly upset woman turned to me and said, "Could you help me for just a second?"
Of course I stopped and said, "Yes." That's the human thing to do.
Ten minutes later, the woman was absolutely sobbing as I tried to help her pick out the most appropriate card for her to place in her just deceased husband's casket. I knew the details of what had happened and all sorts things about how wonderful of a man he had been.
I felt awful for the woman, but it was such an awkward thing. I hope she walked away thinking I had been kind because I truly tried, but MAN. THE AWKWARD.
The most recent random encounter happened this past weekend. It was the sort of "random" that I should have expected, though. I can't find a steady hairdresser because I can't find a hairdresser that will pick up on my blatant nonverbal and verbal cues and just shoooooosh.
I am a parent. I consider that time when I get my hair highlighted and cut to be a really special treat. It's an opportunity for quiet time. Let's all be quiet!
Or not.
Since I haven't found a hairdresser who will let me enjoy silence, I end up at the mall with whatever random person happens to be working. Alexis was with me, but that is not why I didn't get my silence. That girl LOVES getting her hair done, so she sits like a perfect little statue while she also gets her hair cut and styled. I don't hear a peep from her for about an hour whenever I take her with me.
This time was no exception. There were no Alexis peeps.
There were hairdresser peeps, though. OH MAN WERE THERE EVER.
"Is that your only child?" the lady with the long blonde hair asked as she slathered dye on my head.
"Yes," I answered curtly. This is a question that I've grown accustomed to, so I know what follows.
"Are you going to have more kids?" she asked. I should create a drinking game around this conversation because ... yeah. It happens a lot.
"Nope," I answered even more curtly. Some people pick up on the curt thing and back away slowly from the conversation. Not this girl, though.
"Oh, why not?" she asked.
The correct answer would have been, "It's none of your business." I feel the undying need to be overly nice to nosey people, though, so I answered in my typical trying to change the subject sort of way. "It just didn't work out that way," I said.
"Oh, did you have problems?" she continued.
WHY IS THERE NO PAUSE BUTTON ON LIFE FOR MOMENTS LIKE THIS? Given a second, I would have figured out that it was time to tell her that there was something shiny behind her and just run away. Feeling rather on the spot, I instead blurted something completely unnecessary about how sometimes things just don't work out. Which, now that I'm thinking about it, was pretty much a "Hi. This conversation you're forcing me to have is really not one that I want to have with a total stranger who has quick access to sharp scissors. MOVE ON." She didn't take it that way, though.
Instead, she took it as an invitation to tell me about all of the miscarriages she has had, and how one of her ex-boyfriends broke up with her the day after she had a miscarriage and isn't he awful and now she has a six-month old and she is wonderful but the hairdresser never sees her because she has to work and she missed the first time she laughed and isn't that awful but her boyfriend saw it and isn't he lucky and women shouldn't have to work out of the home because they should get to be home with their babies and don't I agree and it's terrible to only have one child so she is going to have four so that they have one another to play with and OMG ALL OF THE PERSONAL DETAILS.
She forgot to breathe while she went on-and-on. And on.
I just sat there incredibly uncomfortable, wishing I could go sit over next to Alexis and let her talk my head off instead. Her excessive talking is WAY more fun than that of a stranger.
Not that Alexis was talking anyway. She wasn't. She was fully focused on sitting like a statue because ... well, this:
I may torture the poor child by forcing her to be an only child, but I also let her do really awesomely fun things like put a little bit of color in her hair.
It's just a little bit, but she loves it.
She loves it even though it has faded CRAZY bad in just a couple of days and without being shampooed. In fact, it has faded so much that she probably has earned a free re-do, but I can't make myself face returning to that salon. I mean, what if That Woman is there and makes me listen to the rest of her life story?
I'm not willing to risk it.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Reader Comments (9)
You should have done it with Kool-Aid. My daughter's red streak is still there after a year and is only coming out when it fully grows out. Kinda scary... we ingest that stuff!!
I too wish my hairdresser would just shoosh. :( Don't they teach that etiquette in beauty school? Is it even called beauty school any more? Hmmm...I should google that I guess. LOL
You are a fun mom to let her do that to her hair...and it looks cute!
I completely understand and sympathize with your ability to attract random, often unwanted, conversations with strangers. If my husband and I had a super power, that would be it. I'm sorry you had to sit through the hiardressers's crazy diatribe. You really were a captive audience. I'll never understand why people feel it necessary to pry into others' family planning. (I will join you in the drinking game. Why is "it just didn't work out that way" not a clear sign to drop the subject?) Good on you for not decking her when she got into the "only children are deprived" crap. As an only child, I can tell you that's totally untrue. Grrr...this post really hit a few nerves for me.
On a happy note, give Erica at Studio E Salon a call. She's a mind reader and will let you read quietly as she works. :-)
4225 Murray Ave
Pittsburgh, PA 15217-2903
(412) 521-2288
OMG that hairdresser had diarrhea of the freaking MOUTH. I am sorry. Gah. I don't mind polite chit chat during haircuts (I have very little adult interaction these days, ha) but THOSE kinds of questions??? No. NOOO.
Finding a stylist that "gets" you is SO hard. I have had a few over the years and have faithfully followed them from one salon to another. Good luck in finding one that knows you just want peace.
My daughter also has highlights in her hair and because her hair just won't hold the color we have taking to dying it at home. We usually use a dye from Hot Topic or one that you can get at the drug store. It lasts just a long (sometimes longer) than what the salon used to use on her and now she can have it re-done whenever it needs it because it is so much less expensive. Currently the bottom 1/3 of her hair is kelly green. She LOVE it!
funny, as much as i love people and as much as i will talk to a brick wall, i absolutely love to not have to talk when i get my hairs did. no clue why. always have been that way, too.
anyhow, i am sorry you were subjected to such an experience. that sucks.
my mom used to clipper shave part of my head when i was in high school. i still remember how cool i thought she was for letting me do stupid shit with my hair. she was awesome about me dying it purple, too. oh how i hope alexis remembers you paying to have her hair turned unnatural colors...and appreciates how wonderful you are.
Understand completely. I adore my hairdresser, but like to get my toes done as a treat once in a while. Rare is the person who can let me just enjoy the quiet. And if Jena is with me (which she often is), the "only child" questions are sure to come. Fun.
BTW - last year we let Jena get a blue extension in her hair. That thing lasted for SIX MONTHS. Something to consider.
I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.
But you're the coolest mom. Ever.
First off that pink rocks! What a fun idea! Ugh I HATE looking for a few hairdresser, let alone trying to weed out the chatty ones. I's like russian roulette with your cut/color when you try to explain. It's like when people try to avoid cats, the cats always go for them - man can't people take a CLUE?
I finally found a stylist/hair place here in the North Hills and she's not too chatty, lets me be quiet or whatever. Lots of people around usually, rather than 1 on 1. Great with our kids too.