What Do You Think?
There is A Boy. In fact, there has been A Boy for a while. He's A Boy Alexis' age who very obviously likes her. The bad news for those of us who keep trying to convince her that she's still a toddler is that she likes him, too. Or at least she did ...
He lives in our neighborhood. If that's not wildly inconvenient for those of us who keep trying to convince her that she's still a toddler, I don't know what is.
He's just A Boy.
But he made a BIG mistake.
That boy seems to have made a decision that landed him in our yard when we weren't home. Another decision led him to stand on our front porch and, well, he destroyed the monster on our door.
That monster.
He ripped it off of the door in such a way that he took some of the door's paint with the various monster teeth and such. Then he went on to tear apart a few other Halloween decorations in our yard. He went straight-out destructive.
And there was a witness.
A neighbor watched the episode unfold, at first not sure what he was seeing. But when it became clear, he intervened.
The Boy ran away. Of course.
I was livid when I found out what had happened. I think that's a fairly reasonable response.
Alexis was more livid.
She, upon hearing and seeing what had happened, went into a rage. She wanted to yell at The Boy and give him all sorts of grief because how dare he mess up her decorations! She really did put a lot of effort into helping set everything up. She's crazy proud of herself, as she should be.
Her reaction gave me pause. My very first thought as to what to do about it all was to march down to his house and tell his parents. But, like I said, her reaction gave me pause. She says she doesn't want to be friends anymore and he can "stay far, far away because I only like nice people who respect my things."
I don't disagree with her thinking. That is why I suggested that she write him a letter and tell him how she felt.
So she did. Here's what she wrote:
Dear Jerk Who Ruined My Stuff (it's possible I'm changing his name because I am almost a nice person),
I worked so hard on my Halloween decorations. A neighbor saw you ruin them. You made me so ANGRY! (And sad)
Sincerely,
Alexis
My plan for the letter was to stick it in his mailbox after he has left for school tomorrow. In other words, I'm conveniently making sure his parents see it, while also letting Alexis tell him what she thinks.
So. Your thoughts? Too much? Appropriate way to deal with it? Lay it on me, internet.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Reader Comments (16)
I like it. I'd probably start a conversation with A Boy's parents to discuss the issue, though, because I think there are two problems to be solved. Letting the kids sort their feelings out is pretty cool, but the destruction of property is a separate issue that should involve his parents. Just my two cents. YMMV.
I think appropriate. The kids I teach have such a hard time expressing what they're feeling when they're frustrated/hurt/insulted by their peers that letting her write to him as a peer shows maturity and also forces him to understand his actions in relation to her rather than it being dealt with above him between parents.
But then again, I'm not a parent (just a teacher/after school staff) and I might be totally wrong.
Yes you're being kinder than I would be.
I would definitely let the parents know exactly what he did, but i would still do as you had planned with the letter.
I approve. Not that you need my approval, but yes, I approve.
I find this whole saga sad. I think it's great that Alexis wrote the letter, and you can be sure there will most likely be consequences once the Boy's parents find out.... His actions will cost him something... But my question is WHY did he do this? If it's the whole " because he likes her" thing I don't know... I don't feel it.
I feel sad for Alexis. I hope everything works out exactly the way it's meant to.
Good luck!
I think it may be misconstrued as passive aggressive if the first and only communication comes from Alexis. I'd consider putting in a note from yourself addressed to the parents to explain the situation fully, something like: "Dear Parents of The Boy, this past Monday [or whatever], another neighbor saw The Boy tearing down Halloween decorations in our front yard. When the neighbor intervened, The Boy ran off. I wanted to let you know this happened, and as a fellow parent I hope you can get to the "why" behind this behavior. As Alexis considers The Boy to be a friend and she had a large hand in helping decorate our home, she was understandably very upset. I encouraged her to write her feelings to The Boy, which I've enclosed here. Thanks for listening, Michelle"
If I were them, I'd make him do chores around the house to earn money so as to purchase you guys a Lowe's gift card!
I agree with Michelle B. It’s not like he just tore down some decorations. He damaged your front door and he and his parents should make restitution. He needs to know there are consequences to his actions.
That's disappointing. I feel for Alexis and the sad & angry related to such an incident.
I agree with you about it, and I think Michelle B. has the best response so far; I'd go with that!
i personally feel that you absolutely must inform his parents. whether by way of a letter as michelle b suggested or a face to face, i don't care, but they deserve to know so they have the ability guide their son on how to deal with his feelings and how to control his actions. it is not fair to put this all on alexis to discipline his behavior.
Michelle B. was the closest to what we'd do. But I wouldn't count on the parents to "do the right thing" Sadly, in our neighborhood, we've had children/families who were totally unable to acknowledge their wrong doing. The offending child ONLY had consequences if we gave them. In our case, also, we were seeing the early childhood behaviors of a future Ted Bundy and finally had to acknowledge that we could not parent the entire neighborhood. I hope A Boy's family do the right thing.
I think Michelle B nailed it.
I love that Alexis wrote the letter and really think that need to be delivered. That would impact my children more than any punishment I could dole out. But, I think you need to communicate with the parents too. I would want to hear from you what my child had done. I might be different than A Boy's Parents though.
I was going to say what Michelle B. said but she put it much more elloquently than I could have.
did the boy apologize to alexis after he received the letter and her cold shoulder? were the parents informed?
killin me here...
I know this is way late but, that was the perfect solution. The parents needed to know about his destruction. Alexis got to have her say. It's a win, win for all involved. Well except the brat that hopefully will get punished.