What Would You Do For a Tootsie Roll?
I like to live dangerously, so I made up my mind to go buy a Christmas present for Alexis when I had her with me. I did it last year, so I knew that if I walked into the Disney Store and told them I was being a sneaky snake, they would help me acquire a fancy clearance Halloween costume without the kid catching on to my shenanigans.
As Alexis and I pulled into the mall parking lot, I reminded her about the big TV in the back of the Disney Store. I figured if I gave her advance permission to be a brat and take off while I was shopping in the middle of the store, she wouldn't catch on to the fact that I was hiding something from her. It was a truly brilliant plan, except for the part where I didn't even think about the fact that there might be a reason we should steer clear of the mall.
My first hint was the Woody walking through the parking lot. My second hint was the Ghostbusters strutting their stuff in the car next to us.
Trick-or-treating. At the mall.
I have taken Alexis to that mall every year to trick-or-treat. It was sort of a necessary evil before we moved because our old neighborhood was the exact opposite of kid-friendly. Now that we live in the land of holiday-crazed freaks who manage to make me look like Scrooge, it's no longer an issue. The kid will get way more than a sufficient amount of candy and such on Halloween.
Despite my experience with the mall trick-or-treating, I was all, "Hey! Look! It must be trick-or treat night! Do you want to put on your costume?" It happened to be in the car because Alexis had her Halloween party at school today. I should have had crazy pills in the car for myself because that would have been a much faster way to accomplish what was about to happen.
Trick-or-treating. At the mall. I do believe there is no faster way to find your way to insanity.
Hundreds and hundreds of people lined the hallways, each not-at-all patiently waiting for a chance to get a tiny little piece of candy from each of the stores. They pushed. They shoved. They were rude. Over and over again.
I watched as a woman with an infant dressed as a chicken pushed her way in front of some 8 or 9-year olds for a Tootsie Roll. I'm pretty sure the kid wasn't the one who was going to eat it.
I watched as a woman with an empty double stroller rammed some toddlers out of her way for a Jolly Rancher. I don't even know where her kids were hiding. In her pocket? Inside the bag she held out for candy? In her mind?
I watched as a group of plain-clothes teens took advantage of a store clerk not paying attention and took handfuls and handfuls of that crap bubble gum that breaks your jaw if you chew it more than three times.
I had no idea some people were so desperate for junk candy.
Next year, I have a plan. I plan to help the people . . . I plan to bridge that gap between the desperate people and their beloved Tootsie Rolls and Jolly Ranchers. Next year I'm going to buy a bunch of bags of each and I'm going to stand on the second level of the mall. I'm going to lean over that center rail and throw candy down to the throngs of desperate people on the first floor. And then I'm going to watch as they destroy one another fighting and scrambling and scurrying and clawing and kicking and smashing.
For a Tootsie Roll.
(Shhhh! Don't tell the short person, but a Jasmine costume found its way into our Disney Store bag. $15. BAM!)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Reader Comments (13)
For a Tootsie Roll? Man, that's crazy poo right there. And I haven't been able to stomach a Jolly Rancher in years. For a 100 Grand or Pay Day though, it's Go Time.
OOOOO. Mass destruction at the Mall? Can I watch?
You totally need to do that (heck, you should just buy Halloween candy THIS year when it's like 90% off and save it for ToTing@theMall next year), and record it for all of us to see!
We too Alex to the mall here in Erie yesterday for ToTing, and it was actually nice, except for the fact that 75% of the booths were Tootsie Rolls. Yeah, the lines for each table could get long-ish (but no more than a few mins long), but Alex was safe in his stroller and was happy to be there (especially once he found a vanilla and later an orange tootsie roll and ate half of each through the paper before I noticed).
We live in a neighborhood that is ideal for trick or treating and so people come from miles around to trick or treat. Most years we get at least 500 trick or treaters. We get workers from the hospital down the street, we get teens not in costumes and babies that shouldn't be out in the cold evening. It is crazy and my one best friend has always said that when she comes next time to pass out candy she is handing out raisins to those who aren't the little kids.
We just went through this on Wednesday in our town's business trick or treat. People pushing and shoving and my favorite - adults with tiny babies trying to pretend like the candy is for the infant and not them. And of course the incident I mentioned in my latest post with the psycho mother losing her child. And yet, I go every year because Emily LOVES it.
Why on earth are people so ugly? I just don't get it.
wow, this thing where she poses is AWESOME! great capture.
halloween at my house usually gives me a restored hope because the kids are so damn nice. and if there are adults with little ones they always try to get the kids to say thanks. but out in that mass hysteria mall situation? I'd get into a fist fight.
now, back to important matters, how did you get a jasmine costume so cheap?
My husband and I were the mall yesterday as well (last-minute Halloween-costume shopping) and we got out of there just as the crazy was really starting. The very nice, middle-aged, definitely gay cashier told us to watch out as we were driving out "because those kids are crazy and their parents don't parent."
And even though I am a very careful driver, five kids almost found their way to getting glued to the front of my car. And I'm not talking about just really young ones (though they should have been strapped to...something), but kids at least 8 or 9 years old who really should know by now that jumping out into the street is a bad idea.
Our first child is due in April...after we cleared the parking lot without incident, I looked at my husband and told him, "Let's not be those people." And hopefully we won't.
The more time I spend in public, the lower my opinion of my fellow man sinks.
@hello haha narf--The Disney Store clearances their Halloween costumes the week before Halloween. RUN NOW! (And let me know if you find an Ariel costume on clearance.)
People amaze me. Not in a WOW! You're awesome sort of way, though. More along the WOW! You're mama must be SO proud.
LOVE the photo!!
I have nothing to say about the greedy mall people except "get a life." And that picture of Alexis is fabulous. Happy Halloween!! :)
You need pills to make you crazy? Dang
I'm so proud of you for not punching out anyone!!!!!!