Who Needs Friends?
I've walked up and down every aisle of Target multiple times so I'm absolutely certain I can't get what I want there. Instead, I've taken to trolling our neighborhood for it.
Friends. Alexis needs more friends.
While we are crazy fortunate to be sandwiched between fantastic kids her age, it seems that I have slightly different expectations for how a 6-year old should spend her day than their parents do. I am the Queen of Go Outside. Done with your homework? GO OUTSIDE. Done eating dinner? GO OUTSIDE. It's cold out? Too bad, GO OUTSIDE. It's sunny and warm out? GO OUTSIDE FASTER.
I love spending time with my kid, but I really only need to see her face in the house when she's eating, sleeping, or going to the bathroom. Other than that, GET YOUR BUTT OUTSIDE.
The kids nearest us are apparently hermits. They don't do the outside thing nearly as much as I would like. Alexis is good at independent play, but there is far less whining involved when she has some partners in crime. While I'm very happy to hang out in the yard with her, she eventually gets bored of my inability to find butt jokes funny.
So, every night we put leashes on the dogs and go for a walk. Alexis has no idea that I have ulterior motives in this whole game, so she happily skips along picking up "helicopter seeds" and choking the pups when she walks the opposite way they think she is going to walk.
I stare. I survey. I judge. I'm looking for girls near her age who seem to be outside a lot and seem to generally be good kids. My standards aren't terribly high. I'm not planning on kidnapping one of them, after all. I just want to say "Hi" and encourage Alexis to say "Hi" and maybe pay the kid to hang out in my yard for an hour or two.
I'm kidding. I only pay if they stay four hours or more.
Earlier this week Alexis and I were on a Friend Finding Mission. As usual, the short person wasn't paying any attention to any of the people we encountered. She's too lost in her own head to notice that there are other humans on this earth. She is trying to throw the world's longest Me Party.
But then it happened.
I don't know how he managed to catch her attention, but HOOBOY! He most certainly caught 120% of her attention! And he took it with him.
Alexis eyes grew wide, her jaw dropped to the ground, and a little drop of drool began to fall. She clutched my hand tighter as she whispered, "Momma! Look! That boy looks just like Justin Bieber!"
He did, too. A 12-year old version, but still, a Bieber look-alike.
It's possible that Alexis begged and begged and begged me to follow him so she could figure out where he lives. It's possible that I told Alexis NO WAY, JOSE.
It's also possible that I've decided to abandon this whole Friend Finding Mission in exchange for locking her in the basement for the rest of her life. OUTSIDE BE DAMNED.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Reader Comments (18)
Let's be neighbors. My boys are always outside now that we live in a place where that is safe. Heh. But really, minus the tweens two doors down who are always shooting hoops (HIGH FIVES TO THEIR PARENTS), my kids are outside the most. But really, why wouldn't you want your kids outside? And they get bored with me when I don't laugh at fart jokes. Sigh. We do have a few that wander in, but mostly on weekends? But we're not always home on weekends? It's odd...
If we lived in the same neighborhood, they could be outside until dark every night and the first sign of daylight on the weekends. Juliana is always looking for someone to come outside with her. I am a big fan of - it is nice, go outside and play. That is how I was raised.
Oh, I so could have written this. In fact, I was just in a meeting with Betty's teacher last week where the teacher said how it would "help her shyness" if she had more friends, perhaps in the neighborhood now that we are in our new house.
Broke my heart.
Seriously, though, even though Betty's a little older (she's 10) she seems to have a lot in common with your Alexis. She asked to email her the other night about the whole glasses thing. :)
We need a whole commune where everyone can happily kick their kids outside together for hours on end. We have two little boys across the street that are the same ages as E and MJ, but they are never out when we are. E watches for them like a hawk though. Our old neighborhood was great for it, secluded, full of kids and a giant cul-de-sac.
If you lived near us Alexis could play with Kenzie till the goats came home (cause we don't got cows round these parts ;)). Since we live in the country, our neighbors are kind of hard to access (they are close but through dense forests) and the kid closest in age is 2 years older than her.
But we have an acre fenced yard so I just turn her out and let her go.
Clearly lots of us just all need to live in the same neighborhood!!! I feel the same way - it's nice so get outside and play and don't come in till I tell you too! :) It seems making friends once you have kids is a lot harder than it should be!
now i don't feel so bad about my dad hollering at me to get outside and "git the stink blown off ya!" yep, all the damn time. i was over 30 when i realized that i was not the only one to be told those exact words. but hearing the idea from your parental view was pretty wonderful this morning.
anyhow, back to alexis. can we forbid her from that little bieber lookalike, too? because just NO!
p.s. i had to look back up there to see how to spell his name. i don't know if that is good or bad, but i will go with good.
My kids (7 year old girl, 5 year old boy) are outside ALL. THE. TIME. I love it. We live in the Fox Chapel area. Is that anywhere near you (or is there a park somewhere between our two homes where we could meet up)?
We recently got an email from one of my daughter's classmates last Sunday that invited her entire class to meet up at the park for a game for pick-up kickball. Unfortunately, we couldn't make it but what a cool idea!!
I was just struggling with this over the weekend. My 5 year old soon to be 6 year old WANTS to play outside all the time, but I have things to do (laundry, anyone?) that I can't spend my entire day outside. She's an only child, and I clearly have no idea how to be a parent - because I just don't know if she's old enough to play outside alone? There are other kids in the neighborhood that she plays with, but I'm not comfortable letting her outside alone? I don't know - what do ya'll think? it's not like our neighborhood is dangerous. it seems safe enough - but none of the parents are ever outside with their kids. I was always outside too when I was a kid, but now I just.don't.know.what.to.do
Once again, I lament that we're not neighbors...
Rebecca, I struggle with the same questions. My two kids (4 and 6) run outside to "their park" (a.k.a. the swings in the backyard) all the time, but then when they want to go out and play with kids in the neighborhood, it never fails that it's right when I need to make dinner, pee, or some other vital task, meaning that I can't stand there and supervise. We live in a good neighborhood, but there are enough people passing through that it makes me nervous to let them run about independently. They don't have enough stranger danger instinct yet, IMO. Add to that the fact that most of the other kids their age that I've heard about are clearly either the hermits that Michelle has in her neighborhood or are the children of a SAHM that has been outside with them all day and shuffles them off to bath and bed shortly after dinner, whereas we're only getting home from work/school at 6pm, thus the mad rush to cook/pee/play...not necessarily in that order.
Rebecca - my daughter is 6 and she is alllowed to play in the backyard by herself now. All of the outside toys are in the garage so she canvas access to chalk, buckets, scooter, etc. A parent needs to be outside for her to play in front of our house or if her 3-yr old brothers are outside.
I am a big, big fan of outside time. That's how I was raised and it is just much easier to make the kids happy. There is no boredom and no whining (until we have to come inside).
Rebecca - We were in the same boat! My son is 5 and will be 6 in July, and we just recently let him start going outside by himself. I am now 8 months pregnant, and I also have a 2.5 yr old who still takes afternoon naps, AND I'm constantly cleaning for house showings because we're trying to sell it and move (to the Pittsburgh area, actually)... I just can't go outside every time my 5-yr old wants to, but I don't want him to be stuck inside, either. Thankfully, we live in a very safe neighborhood, so we decided to see if he (and we!) could handle it. He's allowed to play in our yard or the neighbors' on either side (their kids are always outside, too) and we reviewed the rules of no talking to strangers, no crossing the street or going into the street at all, etc. I was REALLY nervous at first and kept checking out the windows, but after a few times, I realized he was just fine. Plus he comes in every so often for a drink, etc, or to nag me about how much longer until I can come out, lol. It's usually only for an hour or so at a time anyway, and then I'm out there for a while again. He's been very responsible and we've had zero issues so far. I'm glad he can do this because it will help me a LOT after the new baby is born next month. I think 5-going-on-6 is the youngest I'd allow to do this though.
There's really no exact or "right" age... I think it depends more on each individual child and their parents, but nothing to do with you not knowing how to be a parent. You're concerned because you CARE, and that's a good thing! :) You can always try it for a short time, maybe just 15-20 minutes, and see how she does and how you feel about it. Set rules before you start--I think that helps the child to feel safe, too. If it's just your yard you're comfortable with, that's ok. And if it doesn't work out, just continue going outside with her and try the Playing Alone thing again later. Good luck!! :)
@Rebecca Both of my kids started playing in the backyard (not the front) when they were around 5 years old. Now, my soon to be 6 year old gets to play out front too, we just started that this spring. Of course, we check out the window every 10 minutes and our mantra before they go out is always, "Don't talk to strangers! Stay in the yard!". My youngest is only allowed to wander to the neighbor's yard to play if me or his dad is outside watching him walk over.
I do not let my 5 year old play alone outside. The only exception is if he plays on our deck while I am in the kitchen, since the door is right there, along with windows. He's old enough to understand and follow rules, but with the world today I just don't trust people. Luckily I have neighbors with kids and we will often trade off half an hour/45 min of sitting out with them to allow each other some time to get things done.
HAHAHAHAHA! No good deed goes unpunished - and that goes double for mamas, does it not? :) Make sure she can't wiggle through the basement windows - Alexis sounds awfully determined. ;)
I would let my kids play alone outside (they have each other) BUT my husband is adamant that they not. They are 9, 7, 5, and almost 3 (clearly, the three year old is not part of our discussion yet). I'm going to let him see this because, honestly, I would LOVE for them to spend more time outside this summer - while I do laundry/cook/clean/pee, etc. I guess it really depends on the kid - but I don't think 9 is too young to be outside!
We let our seven year old son basically have the run of our street. He's outside from after school until dinner and then back out until bedtime. There is nearly always a trusted adult outside doing yardwork, neighbors having a beer, etc. We have a swingset in the backyard that kids gravitate to so we can keep an ear out. And usually one kid or another is in one of our houses every 10 minutes for a drink, bathroom or to tattle on someone. We are adamant that he tells us if he's going to go anywhere other than a select few houses--and that he reports back when he returns. (He got in huge trouble recently for skipping the return check in and headed straight to another neighbors.) We've had the stranger danger talk many times and feel pretty comfortable he understands. (As much as you ever leave your guard down on that one...) It's only been within the last 6 months or so that we've allowed him this freedom, and we don't allow him to play outside completely alone. Not that he'd want to anyway. Our only child has never really embraced independent play!