Disappointment Is Going To Be Our Christmas Tradition
If I were to say the words "Dip Party," what would you think could possibly go wrong? WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU.
No, it's not that you will gain ten pounds just by being in the same room as Snickers Dip and Pumpkin Dip and I don't even remember what else because I ate myself into a coma within ten minutes of getting there.
No, it's not that there could be any sort of people drama. I have the bestest friends ever. Obviously. We do things like have parties just so we can eat lots and lots of dip. I have found My People and I adore them and their dip-loving ways.
It's that your kid might just end up setting herself up for the disappointment of a lifetime.
You see, we went to a Dip Part a month ago and that was when Alexis figured out exactly what she wants Santa to deliver this year.
Alexis' note says, "I will have a iPod Touch." (We'll get back to her choice of wording in a moment because really? REALLY? OYE.) She got the idea from a friend who happened to be at the Dip Party. In other words, evil things happen at Dip Parties.
I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty that she will not be living the dream this Christmas. Santa has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over the debacle that was the American Girl doll last year, so Santa is all *lalalalala I can't hear you* when the kid requests anything. She's getting a bike from Santa and she will like it, dammit.
(This is where I conveniently leave out details about that bike which I managed to score for free by winning a photo contest because I wouldn't want you to judge us about how we aren't spending a penny on Santa stuff this year. See? I didn't mention it. You can't judge.) (If you're thinking about judging, just remember that Santa is pissed he spent a lot of money last year and the kid was all "That's nice" when she opened the gift. Santa is allowed to be a cheap-ass this year.)
So, back to the note.
Alexis wrote this sucker out about a week ago and has been carefully guarding it ever since. She's very confident in her choice. "I will have a iPod Touch." Not, "I would like" or "Please bring me." Nope. I WILL HAVE, YOU OVERWEIGHT OLD MAN.
She added "I love you God" on the side, I suppose just in case her choice of words was too strong and she needed to win a few brownie points from the other side of the Christmas thing. She also wants to know if God likes "a iPod Touch," so there's that. Would it be wrong if I circled "No" and left the note under the tree? Yes? Damn.
Also included in her note is a self-portrait, a little sketch of the cat (Max, to be exact), a drawing of an iPod Touch, and another picture of herself. This time it's a super happy Alexis in the drawing because she is thrilled that she got an iPod Touch.
Except that she's not getting an iPod Touch from Santa. She's getting a bike. THE END.
So if you hear a groan of disappointment from the kid when she opens her Santa gift, just know that you should blame the Dip Party. Not me. THE DIP PARTY.
(Don't feel too bad for her. The gift she's getting from us is pretty freakin' awesome. And cheaper than an iPod Touch.)
(She was practicing doing a Happy Dance in front of the tree. Not. Even. Kidding. Little does she know that she won't be needing it...)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Reader Comments (14)
I love it. Just think when she is upset about fire, you can steal it.;)
@Elena--I know, right? If she decides to be a snot and not like it? DARN. I guess I'll just have to use it. :-D
She'll have a great christmas!!
My daughter wants and ipod as well, but, she's getting a bunk bed (which she's wanted for THREE years), and I'm still unsure what Santa's bringing.
Thank goodness my kids don't know they can ask for things like that. Sabrina has circled every other item in the toy catalog but they are all in the realm of toys. She doesn't know about electronics yet - nor does she know children can touch them. (We are mean, selfish adults with technology in our house.) The girls are both getting a Vtech innopad which is like a kids ipad only way cheaper. And I thought we were being a bit generous to get them both one (so I don't have to listen to the fighting over it).
If she doesn't love the Fire will you adopt me and regift it to me? Please? I'm tall enough to do more chores than she is.
The ipod touch is the best gift for her maybe.
I think the bike is waaaaay better and besides, if she doesn't mail her request how is Santa supposed to have an extra iPod Touch for her? I mean, it's not like he travels with a BB store in his sleigh or anything. My son wanted everything electrical when he was smaller and me being the grinch, he had to buy his own iPod and Nintendo because I really didn't care for those. Now, if they had the Kindle Fire I might have bought him one(so I could use it when he was at school)!
First, I'm all for the "free" gifts. Jack's main birthday present was a scooter that I won. I really think that she will love the Fire. Once she gets over the iPod touch.
To avoid such disappointment in the future, you may just need to host all Dip Parties at your house. Or mine cause I'm sure we don't have anything Alexis would want. =)
Excellent! I wouldn't feel the slightest pang of guilt at giving my kids a gift that was a "freebie" (which, technically, you EARNED with your crazy photographing skills).
I bought my husband an iPod touch for his birthday. He insisted he needed the bigger one and upgraded himself. And 3 months later we had to get new cell phones...and ended up with iPhones. My kids got the touch the old fashioned way - hand-me down!
First off, a dip party? Sheer genius and I'm scratching my head because I have never come up with such a concept! Pffft, she'll see that Kindle and be all "what iPod touch...?" Cue the happy dance!
i'm hearing lines from the princess bride, after buttercup says, "you mock my pain!" westley replies, "life is pain, highness. anyone who says differently is selling something."
in other news, will you adopt me? promise you won't even need a chore chart to get me to help out around the house.
I agree with you. If you got her an ipod touch at this age what does she have to look forward to as she gets older? I get she loves music and could play games ect. on it but, I think a bike is more age appropriate. ;-) She no judgement.
I love everything about this post (including Alexis' directive to Santa) - but, what is UP with the Christmas tree already?
I love the drawing! Especially the picture of herself on the left - does she have her hands on her hips? I need to get the name of those apps for you, that will solve the problem. Maybe you can preload them on the Fire...
Dip loving people really are the best kind of people.
My knee-jerk reaction was that she doesn't need an iPod touch, she can just keep stealing your phone... haha. I think a bike is a great, appropriate gift for Alexis, since your family is so into biking together. And she seems like enough of a bookworm that she will love the Fire.