I Will Stand By You
It started a few moments after my 17-year old feet first touched Spanish soil. Somehow, everything was ... different. I was different. I stood out.
I couldn't figure out why.
As time went by, I became more and more certain that people were assuming things based on ... what? I wasn't sure. I'm sure it sounds paranoid and there's no way I can prove it, but I swear to you I encountered people who immediately assumed I was dumb on a near daily basis. Even more evident, there were a lot of men who thought it was appropriate to hit on me in particularly vulgar and cruel ways. I enjoyed my time in Spain, but every day I was a little on edge because I knew they all knew I was different. I wasn't one of them. I was a "dumb, slutty American."
It was the eyes, by the way. I figured it out about three months in. It wasn't that my hair was lighter than anyone else's, nor was it that my Spanish wasn't up to par. It was the blue eyes. The only blue eyes I saw the entire time I was in Spain were my own staring back at me in the mirror.
I won't pretend to know what it's like going through life as a minority, but that little taste of being treated differently because of my appearance was enough. I felt it deeply, all the way to my bones.
It wasn't OK.
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Twenty years later, those bones are older, but they still feel the sting of being treated differently. I think that's why I did it. I think that's why I fussed and fidgeted and made sure I changed my avatar on both of my Facebook accounts. One is my personal account, a virtual landmine for drama and stupidity that I can't quite figure out how to control. The other account is my public blog page -- it's the part of Facebook I use. It felt like a really ridiculous thing to set up that page when I did it, but it has turned out to be a very good thing.
It's my sandbox. Play nice or I'll kick you out.
So I changed my avatars. It was a silent but meaningful act.
And it was silent and meaningful act when people unfollowed and unfriended me shortly after I changed that avatar.
Yes, I saw you do it. I don't normally keep tabs on who is where or likes me or doesn't, but there are some administrative tools on the Facebook Page side that make it hard to not see when people go away. I don't care. I'm not offended by it.
But I did notice.
For those who unfriend or unfollow or unlike someone virtually when they demonstrate support for equality, I have one thing I want to make sure you know. I want you to know that when the day comes that you are the only one standing there with blue eyes, or you're the oldest, or whatever it is that will some day make you the minority (and it will happen) I want you to know that then ...
especially then ...
I will stand beside you and loudly demand that you be treated equally.
It's the right thing to do.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Reader Comments (24)
Yes!!!
Well said!
When I was in middle school I briefly attended a school in another state where my race was the minority. (there were 3 races about equal but white was the minority-and treated as such) I never forgot those months. I don't recall a single instance of malice towards me-but I had grown up in schools until that point where I knew everyone not of my race by name (and still remember them-all 2 of them). It was eye-opening in so many ways. I was in suddenly a small town with racial tension that probably still exists today. I was the first class of the newly built integrated school-on the grounds of the former segregated school. (FYI-I am not as old as that statement suggests because some small out of the way towns drug their feet for years, - decades even
using poor white kids as the only integrated childrenciting God knows what as excuses, etc). I never knew how the world (sadly) worked untll then.I moved again after only a couple months-but it left an impression on me to this day.
Oh man you said this better than I could find the words for. As one half of an interracial marriage, I feel those feelings too often for my liking...
I agree.
This made me smile. :)
English is the minority in the small town I live in so I am already singled out for that. I don't attend church and my best friend is the only gay man in town.In this little Afrikaans town we are the freaks and I honestly cant wait to move. Everybody should have equal rights.
One day we will look back at the fight for gay rights and it will seem as far away as the right for women to vote. Something that is taken for granted.
Growing up in western Pennsylvania, I was always the majority. I remember going to Kent and realizing that I was a redneck or at least sounded like one compared to my big city roomates. I worked to change that.
Years later, I became a teacher in Philadelphia. I will never forget returning to visit central Pennsylvania where I lived prior to my move to Philadelphia and attending a high school basketball game between two Catholic schools. I was talking to a friend of mine who happened to be principal of one of the schools. He introduced me to the other principal. My immediate and almost astounding revelation to them was, "There are no black people here." No one reacted to my observation but I am certain it was not lost on those 2 administrators.
I have been the white face in the crowd. Until you are the minority, you truly do not understand the
Very well said!
You rock!
oh michelle, what a powerful piece. beautifully written to the point that i had chills and eyes about to leak.
and yes...oh hell yes, equality for all.
(i am blown away that people unfollowed you for the avatar. can't comprehend. but good riddance.)
Beautifully said!
All I can say about your defectors is "good riddance."
I'm with you 100%.
Facebook is interesting in this aspect, isn't it? I have hovered over a few posts of people that I found truly offensive, thinking I should defriend the person...and then I wonder, in the absence of Facebook, would I have even known? It is typically a post from someone that I knew once long ago, and is not a part of my life. An acquaintance. And I leave them. I choose to respect their right to have a differnt opinion than me. (Maybe I'll just block their posts.) I try to keep political stuff out of my feed, for the most part. It is a SOCIAL network, and if it is not something you would politely discuss with an acquaintance on the street, maybe it does not belong in your status...
Anyway, you are a little different, you are a blogger who has used your blog to do things. (christmas crazy) You have every right to support whatever you want, however you want. The world is changing, and the more tolerant we become, the better for everyone. After all, it was hate that brought the towers down on 9/11. So let people stop following you...I really believe there are many more, and more to come, who will step in their shoes. We have a huge generation coming that wants this change. It will happen.
Heart you so much.
Love you so much. For this and more.
Fabulous post!!
I'm not sure I lost any Facebook friends from using the equality icon for my profile. Most people I know on Facebook have gauy friends or are gay themselves so they understand the issues. I lost a few last year during the time there was loud criticism of "sluts" which made a few of us say, "I am a slut." If a woman is a slut because she believes in birth control, then most of us are sluts.
I've been getting more followers faster on Twitter after using the equality icon there.
I will never understand shutting someone out because they are different, or because they express viewpoints different from your own.
I just don't get it.
I make enough ruckus about my liberal beliefs that I haven't bothered to change my avatar. I'm sure everyone knows - maybe i shouldn't be sure. And oh how I feel you on being a minority. I stood out because of way more than my eyes in Guatemala. And some people were very nice to me. But some were very much not nice to me. And sometimes I felt very unsafe because I looked so different. I was very happy for living behind walls and I never thought that would be something I would like. Now I worry about my daughter. We live in the whitest town you can imagine. There are very few faces in her school that look like hers. It is so unusual to encounter other minorities that she comments when she sees "a brown face like mine".
True that! :)
Mmm, yes. I lost some people yesterday too.
Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't (because I was busy being sad instead of busy being supportive -- not because I was unfriended but because the world, at large, sucks).
Such a power post. You put into words what I feel but cannot convey as well as you.
I can never understand people unfriending others due to different beliefs. I have many people who do not have the same exact beliefs and I think they help me gain a better understanding of their views. I will never understand how people can be so narrow minded and isolate themselves to think you can only have one belief or view-theirs.
Thank you for standing next to us! As we will stand next to you and hold you up when you are feeling down. :)
Exactly! I so wish people would just stop and try to see everything from the other person's side...The world would be a much happier place.