Objects In Mirror Must Be Bigger Than A Football
I think there are two types of people when it comes to little dogs. There are the "OOOOH! Wookitwahwiddlepuppysooocute!" people. Then there are the people that grab a football, compare it in size to the dog, and declare the little barking rat worthy of a good kick.
I'm with the second group. If it ain't bigger than a football then it ain't a dog.
Cody stomps all over that line between dog and not-a-dog, a fact which comes to mind every time I'm annoyed with him. He would be so much cooler and less annoying if he were just a tiny bit bigger.
Compared to Jelly, however, Cody is a giant.
Jelly is a Shih Tzu who is visiting for a few days while his humans hang out at the beach and try to pick sand out of body parts that aren't supposed to have sand stuck in them. Jelly is probably five pounds lighter than Cody, significantly less poofy, and much more of a high-strung maniac.
That's saying something. Cody is a high-strung maniac. Jelly is . . . worse. Much worse.
Jelly is afraid of pretty much everything that moves, and a few things that don't. For example, there was a wadded up piece of duct tape on the floor in our family room yesterday. I know that it was there because Jelly felt that the wadded up piece of duct tape was trying to assault him. He would not walk over it, past it, around it . . . nothing. All he would do is sit there staring at it, shaking with fear, and whimpering.
I had mercy on Jelly's poor not-a-dog soul and rescued him from the evil piece of duct tape. He thought I was THE BESTEST HUMAN EVER. Seriously, I got about ten minutes of love for picking up a piece of duct tape. If I could get rewarded like that for everything I pick up in this house, I'd be the most adored person on the planet.
Needless to say, Jelly is afraid of the cats. They are significantly bigger and louder and more prone to movement than the duct tape. Jelly is easily able to completely avoid Powder (he's too lazy to care that The Chinese Rat is visiting) and Ali (she's almost as skittish as Jelly so she has decided to hide until further notice). Max, however, is a whole other story.
Max is The Demon Cat. While he's sweet and cuddly at night, during his waking hours, he's a holy terror. I'm not exaggerating when I say I once had to pull him off the chandelier in our kitchen. He has destroyed a couple of house plants, a bunch of Alexis' necklaces, and is currently attempting to climb high enough to open the patio door. He's the most stubborn, single-minded, devious kitten we've ever had. Personally, I like him.
Jelly does not. Keep in mind, Max is three months old. Jelly is easily three times his size. Jelly should be able to glare at Max, growl, bark, and send him running. Both of the dogs in permanent residence have their, "Bitch, please" routine down pat and can send Max running in under 0.0000003 seconds.
Jelly just tries to run away from The! Big! Bad! Baby! Kitten! That would work out a lot better for him if Max hadn't decided that Jelly is a cat toy.
Yes, a cat toy.
Every single time Max sees Jelly, he lowers his shoulders, shakes his butt, and pounces. Poor Jelly hasn't figured out to just stand still when pounced, so he runs away. Max considers running away a challenge, so then he goes into Hunter Mode and continues to track Jelly, pouncing on him every chance he gets.
When your kitten mistakes a little rat-dog for a cat toy, you KNOW it's not really a dog.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Reader Comments (12)
Hehe...there is something endlessly entertaining about watching a dog get its ass handed to him by a cat.
You know, I used to have a 2 pound yorkshire terrier toy. And my friends WOULD kick him. He took such a beating, that little Mario. Now he's with my grandma and probably about six pounds. Fat dog after he moved to Grammy's.
First, I KNEW he would be afraid of Max. He's so predictible. Second, I can't believe that you didn't torture him a little bit with the duct tape. That would have been hours of fun!
I can't cotton to any breed whose name sounds like a particularly messy sneeze.
i would love on you if you came to my house and picked up things, too!
poor widdle jelly. he wouldn't do well in my house what with my 50 pund dog and our 90 pound puppy. and, ya know, all the stuff on the floors!
Sometimes our monster of a cat (kitty and no I did not name him he is the adopted child of DH's previous relationship) really thinks our awful little daschund is a rat and bites. i am hoping one day he or the great danes next door will rip the little darlings head off. Yes the conservationist has one animal to hate.. Chloe. Evil yapping, weeing everywhere rat:)
The Chinese rat loses again!
Onyx prefers Polly Pocket clothing.
LOL! I have two evil horrible little not-a-dog rat dogs next door that Max can have as cat toys...they need to be screwed with...or shot...or something. (There is not a person on the block, including the owners, that have not threatened to shoot the little jerks)
Scott and I have an unpleasant name for little dogs. They always seem to bark the most - that annoying yippy bark - and they are often mean. Our next door neighbors at the old house have a toy terrier (talk about a rat dog) that barked at me every time I was in my front yard for 6 years, bit my mom and repeatedly chased J and scratched her.
However, Jelly didn't bark at me when I went to their house (and he barks at everyone who comes to the door) and was mostly calm while I was there. So he gets a pass from me.
I bet Mex is having the best week ever and is going to be very disappointed when his toy leaves.
We have a cat (who is declawed and should never go outside but try telling HIM that ;)) who is the TERROR of all the neighbor dogs big and small.
He weighs approximately 7 pounds or so. And his only 'attribute' is that he can yell. Really, REALLY loud.
I think the most memorable moment was a couple years ago-
Our neighbor to the east had two big black lab mixes that weigh approximately a billionty pounds each. Sweet friendly dogs that liked to roam over and hang out (keeps the usurping coyotes and deer and squirrels away) which was fine. She came over to let us know that they were going to be cutting some trees and not to freak if there were strangers around the back fence (because in our heavy woods seeing people is not a frequent thing). The dogs of course came with her.
So we're all standing around the parking lot chatting and then the cat wakes up (he'd been sleeping on the porch) and sees the dogs. He saunters up and starts doing that cat "weave through the legs and kill those that feed me" maneuver. The dogs see him and FREAK out. They start cowering behind their owner and trying to shove both of themselves between her legs because "OMG IT'S THE DEMON CAT!!!!"
Meanwhile their owner is standing there going "What the heck?!" and we're all cracking up (because we've seen this before) and we have to explain that they are afraid of Edgar (the cat) nevermind that he's declawed.
Yeah, poor Jelly totally wouldn't make it in this house either. What with the unpredictability of our orange terror and the youngest cat that throws himself on our dogs for naps and steals their toys, I suspect Jelly would have a nervous breakdown in no time.