Snarkette

If parenting is a series of premonitions of what is to come, and paybacks for what you've done, I am in BIG trouble, Mister. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel I'm pretty sure it's actually a train that is about to smash me into a million pieces. The Toddler? She has an incredible sense of humor. It's absolutely amazing how she manages to find funny in just about anything. In a few years, I guarantee I am going to be her straight man because I am about as funny as a diarrhea-filled diaper compared to her.

At home, she loves to play tricks. She slams doors in faces, hides behind curtains, steals important things (I wonder where she learned that from?), offers you a bite of her food only to quickly snatch it away and stuff it in her own face, and generally makes us laugh all.the.time. The other day when she called Meg special? Both Mr. Husband and I busted out laughing. So, of course, she keeps on saying it. Over and over. Just so you know, after 10,453 repititions, it's still funny.

If she says something when we're in public and manages to garner an audience, she'll keep her her one woman act going. Earlier this week, she and I were walking around the grocery store saying lines from Dora like "Swiper no swiping" and "Oh, maaaan!" When a fellow mom chuckled at Alexis' version of "Oh, maaaan!", Alexis proceeded to follow her around the store, repeating it again and again.

I'm always hearing about how funny she is from her daycare teachers. They'll tell me stories about how all the kids were playing in the tube/tunnel thing and somebody poked a head in and yelled "Boo!", scaring all the kids the point of tears. But my kid? She's got tears streaming down her face because she's laughing so hard she can't breathe.

Sometimes to entertain themselves, the teachers will throw little scraps of paper or foam at the kids as they run around like the crazy little people they are. All the kids get mad, except one. My kid. She thinks it's hysterical. So now she's the only one they use for Toddler Target Practice. She's perfectly content that way (as am I--we like to use her as our target when we're throwing the Bulldog around so it's good that she's getting extra practice at dodging oncoming projectiles). (Don't hate on the teachers, BTW. Think about what you would do if you spent 40 hours per week locked in a room with 20 toddlers. I'm shocked they haven't resorted to throwing the kids out the window as a means to entertain themselves. I would.)

Today, Alexis took it to a new level. She has started snarking on the other kids. One little boy is pretty new in class and he's having a rough time adjusting. As such, he's spending a good part of the day crying. Today, Alexis pointed at him and said, "He's waa-waa-waaing" all dramatic-like and then busted up laughing. Now, I don't know how old I was when I started with the snarkiliciousness, but I don't think it was two. She is going to be a master of the art form in no time, I'm sure.

Random: Yoi and Double Yoi Edition

- After reading all your comments from yesterday's post, I'm left wondering if any of you ever get any sleep. Don't answer that, by the way. If anybody says they do, I might have to throw rusty cans of rotten tomotoes at them. Anyway, y'all are a bunch of funny, sleep-deprived, blanket-scrounging, bed-wanting fools. Thanks for the laughs and for making me feel not-so-alone in my quest to sleep without wearing a toddler helmet.

In case you were wondering, the Toddler slept through the night last night, thereby ensuring that I would not get an opportunity to test my new method of threats. I'm sure I'll get my chance tonight. (Oh, and that does not mean I slept through the night. There's still the matter of those two pesky dogs.)

- A couple of my favorite Twits already know about it, but I got a new camera. As in, I got The Camera. It took over a year for me to talk myself into spending that kind of money on what is essentially a luxury, but when we got our federal tax refund, I thought about the fact that I take pictures just about every day and that my little bud the Sony Cybershot has been known to let me down quite frequently, and I figured it was justified. Of course, just thinking the words "maybe I'll finally buy a good camera" were enough to send Mr. Husband into hyper electronics acquisition mode. He spent HOURS researching prices and features and blah, blah, blah. It finally showed up on Saturday, and now he's the only one that has used it. The same man who has taken maybe 20 pictures in the past ten years has now taken over 100 in the past few days with Mr. Canon. I haven't taken a single one. Frankly, I'm a little bit scared of Mr. Canon. He's so big and powerful and amazing. I need to read his instruction guide, maybe take him out for dinner and a movie, and get to know him better.

- Project watch what you say is in full swing. The repeating? At never before seen levels. In the past week, Meg has been called stupid and special (both adults get the blame for the former, but the latter was all Mr. Husband). The Toddler is repeating EVERYTHING. I'm going to go out on a limb and bet that the first time she repeats a real bad cuss, I'm going to be the one responsible. That's what happens when you endlessly hound your husband not to swear.

- Coaches and players come and go, but there is one man who has and will always be The Pittsburgh Steelers--Myron Cope. The voice was unforgettable and the legacy will remain forever. We'll miss ya' Cope.

(Great tributes here and here.)

Mr. Husband, You've Been Warned

Mr. Husband,

If this:

Turns into this again tonight:

You'll be sleeping here indefinitely:

You've been warned: leave the Toddler in her room. Understand?

Love,
The Woman Who is Tired of Wearing a Toddler as a Helmet at Night